Welcome to another non-news day, populated by one Cheryl Cole.

The headline story in today's Sun recounts how Cheryl's (reportedly) turned down Simon Cowell's offer of a judge's slot on Britain's Got Talent. The 28-year-old singer - who refused to return to the UK X Factor after Cowell dropped her from the US version, 'membah!? - has no intention of joining the show.

"There's no way she will do Britain's Got Talent. She thinks it's all a massive joke," a source said. "Why on earth would she do that show when she turned down the X Factor?" Because Ant and Dec really need the work and another Geordie to spout shite at? Amanda Holden really wantst to sit next to another attractive sort, 'cause it worked out so well with Kelly Brook last time

As reported yesterday, Simon now has two seats to fill after David Hasselhoff was dumped for lacking sparkle, and comedian Michael McIntyre did a carefully timed legger.

With all that going on, you'd think Simon would be far too busy to do (yet) another interview with Piers Morgan on his show tonight. Apparently viewers can expect to see Simon to leak (yet) another clue as to why Cheryl was let go from the US  X Factor - "she looked too bewildered for audiences in America." That's saying something given Paula Abdul was already on the panel.

You might get the chance to see Cheryl look bewildered at some point in the new series of the show, which just so happens to air on ITV2 tomorrow night at 8.00pm, and TV3 on Friday at 9.00pm.

In other Cheryl news (because I refuse to do another post), she wants to throw her leg over a squaddie. Of her recent stint as cheerleader in Afghanistan, she said: "Not only are the soldiers incredibly brave, a few were also incredibly cute. I actually came back with a phone number from one lad... although I think his talking to me was a dare. He started chatting to me after I’d been shot at during a training exercise. Obviously it wasn’t real ammunition but it was still terrifying. Anyway, I think I am going to call him this week and we’ll see what happens. I’m sure he’s not expecting me to ring but that’s why it’ll be funny - and that’s why I’m going to do it.”