Such is a deluge of celebrity - thanks to the Internet, magazines and TV - it's not news that some people feel they know certain stars intimately without ever meeting them. For me, that star is Kate Beckinsale. Even before my eyes scan the first quotation marks I know what she's going to say. True, there's always an element of surprise - a further insight into her past or whatever - but it always circles back round to one thing...

Today, it came to my knowledge that Kate spent time at Oxford so she "could read her favourite books in their original language", that being Russain. Sadly for Kate, her career in film has rendered those years futile: "Now I only speak Russian with the woman who does my bikini wax. See what Hollywood does to you?"

And there it is. There it ALWAYS is. Kate's perennial reference to the region of her perineum. If I ever met her, I'd probably feel compelled to hug her around the hoop and spend the rest of the time trying to peek up her skirt in a bid to meet the real star. 
Behold the latest pictures of Kate, in which she is seen to be sporting an endometrium inspired fashion homage entitled 'Ode to Fallopian'