Dunno about you, but 10pm start to The Apprentice is too tardy for me. I know it makes sense for them to air I'm a Celebrity as the same time as ITV, but it's just not that convenient. Although, it must be said, I did enjoy watching Gillian McKeith break down whenever a fly landed on her. Good Lord, has sifting through other people's shite for a living during the noughties, left her entirely traumatised? Or is she just taking a leaf out of Natalie Appleton's book of "if I squeal I'll get more TV time!" In saying that, I won't be tuning in tonight to watch herself and Sean Ryder (he's not looking bad for 48, considering) spew the contents of their "school dinners".
And on to last night's fare... about six hours too late, but sure that's what happens when you're promotional copy goes walkies for the third week in a row. We had a lovely opening shot of Panos jiggling over to the phone in nothing but a towel, I could've gone to sleep happy right there but, somehow, I hung on. As usual, the teams had 30 minutes to get ready before being whisked off to someplace or other tenuously linked to whoever they were promoting this week (Spar). They were asked to source a product with a local Irish story and create new marketing campaign, ensuring the product has huge success in Spars nationwide. And what better venue to convey that sentiment than... Croke Park. Yep, Bill made them drive all the way to Croker so he could growl about being Irish on the pitch for five minutes.
To the teams, Cullen switched Panos and Jamie to Fusion, and moved Barry, Niamh and Dave over to Elevate. Both Barry and Niamh wanted to PM, but Barry ran with it - cause he wanted to eat a load of convenience treats for the afternoon. Over on Fusion, both Ciara and Michelle wanted to be PM. Panos immediately removed himself from the running as he's Greek (Michelle is from the UK, by the by), and Jamie was more than happy for Michelle to take the role.
The rest of the day was spent sampling the wares of ten entrepreneurs all set up at desks in Smock Alley. Each team had 60 minutes in total to talk to each candidate. Needless to say, Barry spent most of his time yapping to the first lady (Will happened to be there too), while Ciara and Jamie allocated 3.5 minutes to each table and tore through the lot with the charisma and panache of the first Terminator, leaving the assembled feel strangely violated.
Despite Barry's team picking the better product (a ready meal which self heats in five minutes once it's string has been yanked. So excited was Barry by the prospect if gave him a "semi"), Michelle's lot got Insomnia (plug, plug, plug, hello to you, Bobby Kerr) on board for their, according to Ciara, "slappy slices." So confused were the Spar lot after her presentation, they had no idea what exactly she was trying to sell (tiffin slices and the like). She, of course, blamed her lack of preparation on Jamie hogging the laptop to crunch a page of figures that weren't even being handed out.
There they all were, back in the boardroom again, with Bill dressed as one quarter of a barbershop quartet, banging on about "leiroidi" and "wardiors", and the long and the short of it is, Michelle's boring slice won because Niamh (who works in marketing) bollocked up the packaging of the ready meal. Instead of it looking "sexy babes" as Barry requested, it looked like a Firelog made of prawn linguini. So, as the prize this week, Fusion were sent off to Kilkenny Design to molest some pottery clay (no surprises who played Demi's role).
Barry, instead of bringing back in the girl who'd had a very bad week, he brought back in the two resident dullards Will and Dave. If you're looking for specifics, Dave thought it'd be a great idea to let Spar customers trod upon the tricolour as they made their way to the readymade meal area, whereas Will did nothing but help Barry horse his way through chocolate in Smock Alley.
After a short wait in the weirdest waiting room on television to date (the montage painting to the right looks like Big Bird giving birth to a pilates ball), the Desk Droid permitted them re-entry, whereupon Dave got the boot for failing to use any of the suggested taglines ("A five star meal in five minutes!") on the box, not to mention shirking the role as PM even though he's due to release his own invention into the Irish market shortly. No, really, he is.
Line of the Night - Jackie saying to Will and Dave in the boardroom: "D'you know what they were calling you during the presentation? They were calling you Bert and Ernie."
Second Line of the Night (sorry, there had to be two this week) - Bill saying to Will: "You just keep sitting there lookin' at me as if yer spare." Will's response: "No, I agree witcha Bill, 100 percent."