My, the "leaked" X Factor "scandals" this year are rife. Someone has been recording phone calls between Wagner and "a friend" - who then went to the trouble of handing said recordings over to The Sun for a (presumably) handsome sum. The phone wasn't tapped, or anything, in case that had crossed your mind.

During these "taped" conversations, the 54-year-old Brazilian reportedly said: "They will never let me beat the English. They will not let a Brazilian win. Nobody tells Simon Cowell what to do. The public do not decide who is going to win. It is Simon Cowell. If he decides Katie will win, she will win. And if he decides a group will win, then they will win... Simon Cowell can decide who he wants at number one. It is so double glazing, it is so block paving, it's all sales - it's bull****."

Not exactly news, is it. Simon Cowell is a megalomaniac with a strangle hold on today's mediocre, breeze-block music industry.

The Sun report continues: "He (Wagner) claimed he is given 's**t' songs he cannot handle and at short notice to get him voted off. And he compared his treatment to that of rivals like Mary Byrne and Storm Lee. Wagner believes they were allowed more exposure than him at bootcamp, singing entire songs while only snippets of his are aired. Sniping at Mary - who he is rumoured to have tried to romance - he said producers want to make the point that a woman who works on a till at Tesco can be a superstar. Wagner blasted: 'It stinks, I am well p****d off with them. Mary is given full songs and they don't show me f****** singing. If you see me in the finals, I will be getting songs overnight that I cannot sing properly. You only sing what you want once or twice and that's it.'

Here comes the best bit: "Wagner also took a bizarre swipe at judge Louis Walsh. He said: 'There is no bread in this place as Louis has shoved a baguette up his a**e'."

Another one of Wagner's helpful friends offered this to The Sun: "He's pouring out his frustrations. He reckons Simon's attitude to him is the kiss of death for his chances. He wants bigger songs, better songs. Wagner is a natural tenor and he wants to do opera. No one has heard his voice properly yet. He has a much better voice than Paul Potts, who won Britain's Got Talent (thanks for the helpful elaboration, which is completely part of normal conversation). He is a very emotional man and when he pours his heart out it comes out warts and all, like in these tapes. He feels he is destined not to win it, they won't let him win it. In his mind Simon dictates the result (and Simon doesn't mind the public thinking that, hence the presence of this story in the biggest tabloid going). Wagner was beside himself in the phone calls because he thinks he will go out this weekend. He has never known anything like this pressure before and it's obvious it's getting to him big time."

Oh, I-cannot-wait-to-tune-in-to-Saturday's-show-to-see-how-they-handle-this-week's-not-at-all-contrived-furore.