Adele's still busy minding her hurty throat after surgery, so she unfortunately missed out on collecting her three American Music Award accolades last night. Might be for the best; if she had a few ciders wandering around armed with three of those weapons she'd have several eyes out. Look how pointy they are, especially in this one where Minaj is depicting the gait of Mariah Carey's breasts.
Instead, it was up to Taylor Swift to show people the correct way to cradle three accidents waiting to happen, for she won - eh - two awards according to the below list. Maybe she swiped Adele's 'Adult Contemporary Artist' gong - 'cause who doesn't want to join the ranks of Phil Collins.
Justin Bieber doesn't appear to have been awarded anything, yet he still seemed happy to turn up in in what appears to be a brocade jacket and half a tonne of hair gel / his mother's spittle. Doesn't Selena seem proud.
If you're not interested in the rest of the winners, here's who's in the gallery: Matthew Morrison in full GI Joe mode, Katy Perry in typically subtle form, Jenny McCarthy looking pretty amazing (if a little heavy on the make up), Alanis Morissette, approximately one third of Jennifer Hudson, Mary J. Blige, La Lopez, Heidi Klum, Audrina Patridge in one of Betty Rubble's cast offs, Vanessa Minnillo, a shapeless abomination awkwardly hugging Cheryl Hines, Gene Simmons, Joe Jonas, Will.i.am... You can see performance photos from the AMAs here.
Artist of the Year: Taylor Swift
Adult Contemporary Artist: Adele
Alternative Rock Artist: Foo Fighters
Contemporary Inspirational Artist: Casting Crowns
Country Female Artist: Taylor Swift
Country Male Artist: Blake Shelton
Country Band, Duo or Group: Lady Antebellum
Country Album: Taylor Swift, “Speak Now”
Latin Music Artist: Jennifer Lopez
Pop/Rock Female Artist: Adele
Pop/Rock Male Artist: Bruno Mars
Pop/Rock Band, Duo or Group: Maroon 5
Pop/Rock Album: Adele, “21”
Rap/Hip-Hop Artist: Nicki Minaj
Rap/Hip-Hop Album: Nicki Minaj, “Pink Friday”
Soul/R&B Female Artist: Beyonce
Soul/R&B Male Artist: Usher
Soul/R&B Album: Rihanna, “Loud.”
New Artist of the Year: Hot Chelle Rae