That Nadine Coyle claimed she lost her passport and therefore couldn't attend... That she's currently in LA... That she wants out... That Cheryl Cole turned up minus her wedding ring... That Amy Winehouse went on a bender before the awards ceremony... That's the reason you couldn't make out the words of 'Love is a Loosing Game' and why she reminded me of a cracked out version of a toy from my youth... That you know the one - a plastic figure with an internal elastic skeleton which was stood on a little box and, when you squeezed the box (stoppit), the figure would dance like Amy Winehouse... That the Osbournes should never be permitted to present anything ever again... That they only let Ozzy announce winner/presenters' names... That Sharon fluffed her lines, called Vic Reeves a p*sshead (the least she could do after he slurred "Good acts and Kylie. Bit of work and she'll be OK"), embarrassed her children (Kelly in particular) and changed a total of 4 times... That she should've given one of her gowns to her daughter who looked like she was sporting a turkey leg decorative frill as a skirt...  That Fern Cotton did all the real work backstage...  The Arctic Monkeys came dressed as pheasant hunters and were vur, vur drunk accepting their two awards... That they started thanking and reminiscing about their time at the BRIT school which they never attended... That they had to be ushered offstage... That presenter Ian McKellen said: "If you're wondering why I'm doing at the BRITS, I'm hear to meet Mika!"... That, when accepting an award, Dave Grohl said: "Culture Club, Brows (he meant Bros), Lisa Lobe - they've all won Brits and now we've joined their lofty heights, thank you! Sorry we couldn't be there but we've just sold out Madison Square Garden"... That he's quite the joker... That Leona Lewis was the only performing act to sing in tune (bar Rhianna)... That it's a shame she didn't win anything... That Rhianna's collaboration with Klaxons was a non-eventful mashup of Umbrella and Golden Skans... That Kylie's mancers (man dancers) looked like a flock of Quality Street clad Poweranger Gimps... That one of them lent Denise Van Outen a dress... That Sir Paul McCartney did everything within his power not to give the 'two thumbs up'... That he released the tension with a series of falsetto whoops and pyrotechnics... That I kind've fancy Best British Male, Mark Ronson... That Sharon Osbourne wants to "lick" Jonathan Reese Myers... That Adele was p*ssed off her Critic's Choice statue was silver instead of gold... That Fern Cotton finds her annoying... That there was some strange slowmo address from the Devil after Sharon referred to Simon Cowell's love life as 'surprising'... That or the fever I'm stuck at home with caused me to hallucinate...That you can find the full list of winners HERE shortly...