All I Know Is That There Were Rumours...

That Madonna has issued this statement: "My husband and I are not planning on getting a divorce. I know Alex Rodriguez through Guy Oseary, who manages both of us. I am not romantically involved in any way with him. I have nothing to do with the state of his marriage or what spiritual path he may study"... That Noel Fielding said: "I absolutely love Alice Cooper, and I wonder if he has ever considered writing an acid rock gothic musical? If we (The Mighty Boosh) did one, would he co-star?"... That The Mighty Boosh Festival, which took place in Hop Farm in Kent over the weekend, was a bit pants... That Pete Doherty has posted a video of a song called Bohemian Love on YouTube... That it features an accompanying picture montage of Kate Moss with Pete, alongside the lyrics "I miss your face, I miss the places. What happened to her? What happened to me? Every time I lie on the pillow I cry"... That Kate was pictured sunning herself on a yacht somewhere in the Med while her fellah Jamie Hince was performing in Kent at said Mighty Boosh effort... That, of his relationship with actress Teresa Palmer, Russell Brand said: "I'm so happy, I'm not looking for any other women to impregnate yet. It's expensive work, though. She keeps wanting necklaces and stuff"... That Morrissey said the following about Kylie Minogue's OBE during his set at the Wireless Festival: "I'm sure you'll agree, it was completely deserved"... That Sir Alan Sugar was involved in a less than pleasant plane landing incident in Manchester on Saturday... That his private jet attempted to land during a thunderstorm, ran out of runway and ended up in the long grass... That Sir Alan said: "As far as 'life-threatening' is concerned, to put things in perspective my friend and I had as much chance of dying from the incident as we did in dying from food poisoning from the tuna sandwich that a very nice lady made us in the clubhouse whilst we waited for a mate to pick us up and take us home"... That Matt Willis has married Emma Griffiths at the weekend... That time has not been kind to Matt's Busted band mate, James Bourne... That Kanye West has been ordered to undergo anger management classes by his managing team... That Jean-Claude Van Damme recently said: "I'm a brand name. Van Damme is like Levi's"... That Sir Trevor McDonald said: "I get home at 11pm and then look at my watch and it's approaching midnight and I'm on my fourth glass"... That at Madame Tussauds waxwork of Hitler in Berlin has been decapitated by a 41-year-old native... That man faces criminal charges...