All I Know Is That There Were Rumours...

That Paris Hilton is now lending her name in a bid of hawk synthetic hair extensions called DreamCatchers... That Kate Moss forked over £20k for new "deep pile snow carpets" after Jamie Hince "complained that the rush matting at her home was irritating his sensitive feet"... That a Mirror source said: "Jamie loved the new look and was really touched by her efforts. But, sadly, that didn't stop him from packing his bags and leaving a few weeks later. Let's just say that after spending all the money, Kate wasn't thrilled by the sudden turn of events"... That Ricky Gervais said: "If there's a basic difference between British and American comedy, it's that we embrace the loser more. Americans celebrate success more happily. But it's OK to lose sometimes. I'm a white, middle-class, educated, middle-aged man. So, in terms of being oppressed, the worst thing that happens to me is a bit of bad service or social awkwardness. But I can still be a loser"... That Russell Brand has been reprimanded by the Rape Crisis Centre after making a prank call to police saying he'd just seen Northampton's "underpass attacker" during his stand up set... That, in the phone call, Brand said: "I had someone come near my underpass. He was dressed atrociously. He looked like Timmy Mallett"... That, when asked for his number by police, Brand said: "I didn't know it was a dating line. Would you be interested in going out for dinner?" He then started singing so the police officer terminated the call... That Brand issued an apology, saying he was "devastated by the possibility I may have offended vulnerable people"... That offending the vulnerable is the cornerstone of many a weak comedian's act... That Victoria Beckham said: "I'm not the kind of person that stands there and loves the attention. It might look that way, but it makes me very, very nervous. As you can see, I'm a normal-looking girl, and I just make the best of what I have. I'm not out-of-the-ordinary-looking at all - I'm incredibly ordinary"... That there's too many things wrong with the previous statement, but I'll leave it at there's NOTHING "normal-looking" about a voguing, inebriated newborn Bambi leaving celebrity eatery Il Sole, while being aided by David Beckham (can you believe he's trying to grab on to a non-existent love handle)... That Geri Halliwell said: "I've moved on from music and I really don't have a desire to do it anymore. I just love writing and I've always loved communicating with people. I actually had some down time a few years ago and I was looking for a way to be creative. I had always enjoyed writing so I just starting writing stories and it felt very natural. I thought 'oh my God! This could be a new medium for Girl Power by expressing it in a different way to reach a new generation!'" Different medium, same level of irritation... That, when the SmashingPumpkin's Billy Corgan declined to play FrancesBean's 16th birthday, Courtney Love decided to post the following on a public forum: "A sweet sixteen is a big event and I think she looked upon you as family. I know she did, as a trustworthy and wise (child), and you can't lay your s*** on a child of nine (?!?), and you as a man of 40 - my child sobbing, due to you, is unacceptable. I hate stating this on some random public forum, but the line is the kid, man"... That an uncomfortable situation can always be made better by bizarre, public ranting...