All I Know Is That There Were Rumours...

That Faras Badwan from The Horrors has set up a Las Vegas wedding themed Indie night at London's Bungalow 8... That the invite reads: "On September 11 we have a Las Vegas theme - Fear and Loathing surrealism, Shotgun Weddings, Blackjack Dealers, Dead Sweethearts and Elvis"... Nice to see he's still getting mileage out of Peaches' coattails... That Madonna has pissed off her dancers, which is ill-advised considering they were the only people who turned up to her 50th and, without them onstage, she's just some self-consumed 50-year-old shimmying about a stage on her todd... The Sun reported that "Many of her 250 staff were livid at being herded on to an easyJet flight to Nice then stuck in a £50-a-night dingy Campanile hotel. In contrast, Madonna, husband Guy Ritchie, 39, daughter Lourdes, 11, and sons Rocco, eight, and two-year-old David flew in by private jet and booked out luxury hideaway 11th century Chateau Saint Jeannet"... A source added: "Everyone is absolutely furious with her and some of them want to walk out of the tour. They feel they are being treated like second-class citizens, despite all their hard work over the last few months"... That the latest excerpt of Madonna's brother's book to be printed in the press goes something like this: "We went out and Demi (Moore) was dancing up on me and humping me from behind. She was lactating at the time and she was squirting breast milk at my lesbian friends. My friend Michelle called me the next morning and asked me: 'How do I get breast milk out of my black dress?' I replied: 'How the f*** would I know? Call Demi!'"... That Ashton is one lucky boy... That, instead of people asking Kim Kardashian about her ability to bust a move on Dancing With The Stars, they're asking her about her ass: "I'm hoping that it'll firm it up and shape it up. Everyone is asking if I'm worried it's going to go away. No, it's going to tone it up. I can use that"... That Michael Lohan just doesn't know when to stop and has been given an hour-long TV special in which he'll "expose" Dina Lohan... That he mysteriously can't "specify the name of the special or on what network it will air, but insisted it is 'definitely' happening". That Michael said: "It might be broken up into parts, but it's going to be done. These lies have to stop. She can't say all these things to me and when I try to address it, deny everything. Dina's a hypocrite and I'm tired of it... I've never taken or earned one penny from my daughter. Meanwhile, all the people around her, including her mother, are earning money off of her. They want publicity. They're there for self-serving reasons. I didn't have my own reality TV show"... He then stamped his foot... That Dannii Minogue will play an MI6 agent in a new Brit flick called Vauxhall Express... That it will also star Hugo Speer, Ewen MacIntosh, and Rhys Ifans as the film's "psychotic villain"... That it'll flop phenomenally... That this is what Rhys Ifans enjoys doing when in Ibiza: "He was necking shots and chucking back Martinis like there was no tomorrow. He was also on the prowl and, despite being so lechy, was a total hit with the ladies. They were fawning over him all evening. One minute Rhys was snogging a pretty Welsh brunette and the next he had his head shoved up the dress of a passing girl who was on her hen night. But the real low point in the evening came when Rhys was confronted by a fan and suddenly launched into his own drunken version of the goose step. He made a Heil Hitler salute and then burst into hysterics. No one else found it funny and there was a really awkward silence"... That, of touring with Vanilla Ice in the 90s, Alanis Morissette said: "I was instructed not to look him in the eye and that was my first experience of honouring someone’s privacy to the point where you look away when they come near you. I thought, 'Wow, I didn't think that actually existed!'"... That I'm currently thinking - "Wow, what promoter booked them as a package?"...