All I Know Is That There Were Rumours...

That GMTV bosses were so impressed with UlrikaJonsson's ping pong balls swinging in bin liners analogy that they're offering her FionaPhillips' job when she scarpers... A source said: "Fiona's departure is a blow, but this gives us a chance to give the whole show a spring clean. Ulrika is perfect - beautiful and intelligent, with an ability to laugh at herself"... That her size G knockers are a bonus... That Noel Fielding and Steve Coogan were tag teaming women at the GQ after party on Tuesday night... That their girlfriends, Dee Plume and China Chow (not a word of a lie), are feeling rather special right about now... That, regarding Noel's tryst, a source said: "A mystery girl took a fancy to Noel and tried to pull him away from his girlfriend. Dee spotted what was happening and went absolutely mad. She grabbed him and started screaming at the girl: 'He's my f***ing boyfriend, get your hands off!' It was quite dramatic, Noel didn't know what to do"... Feel embarrassed would be a start... That Jamie Lynne Spears showed solidarity with fellow teen mom, Bristol Palin, by sending her a gift hamper from Beverly Hills baby boutique Petit Tresor... A source said: "It was ordered by phone, and they asked what could be done for under $100. They spent $60 on pink burpcloths"... That, by "they", they mean Lynne Spears ordered it under her daughter's name... That an additional gold plated banjo would've been a nice touch... That Daniel Radcliffe has admitted to loosing his virginity to an older lady when he was sixteen... The actor said the age difference "wasn't ridiculous," but "it would freak some people out"... That Daniel followed that humdinger with "I think part of me would love to play a drag queen, just because it would be an excuse to wear loads of eye make-up"... At this rate, he'll be out well before my prior five year prediction... That Katie Price has now brought out her own range of equestrian clothing... That, if you're picturing Jelly Cooper inspired apparel, you're be sorely disappointed... That the man who voiced Charlie Brown - Jose 'Bill' Melendez - has died aged 91... That, of sex scenes, John C Reilly said: "It's always really uncomfortable to have to swap spit with someone and rub bodies. People (actors) always say, 'In a lovemaking scene, sex is the furthest thing from your mind because you're worried about the crew and lighting'. Bulls**t! If you lie naked against someone of the opposite sex, things happen. The plumbing department doesn’t always get in touch with the brain. It just happens! You're simulating sex so your body is very confused"... That I'm confused as to why anyone would put John C Reilly in a sex scene... That, of presenting this weekend's MTV VMAs, Russell Brand said of ChrisRock's advice: "He said, 'Go in hard - no one cares about anything except you have to have a good beginning.' So I might take my shirt off and have lipstick on my nipples"... That Piers Morgan said: "When the Naomi Campbell case came up, I thought I was going to be asked that in court, so I said to my parents and kids, 'Look, I took drugs in the past , but I don't any more'. I don't want my children thinking it's cool. What I said to them was, 'Look guys, I’ve known lots of people who have taken drugs in their time. The winners stop and the losers carry on'"...