That Katy Perry's "pastor parents" used to be mad yokes in their youth...That her mother was a hippy who left home to travel the world and dated Jimi Hendrix: "He just came up to her in a club and picked her out"... That her father was an LSD dealer who palled around with Timothy Leary... That Lily Allen has named her (now mythical) second album It's Not Me, It’s You... That, of Strictly Come Dancing contestant John Sergeant, Esther Rantzen said: “The one adjective on every woman’s lips after we saw John tango was 'adorable'. Ugly men do remarkably well with ladies. Kristina is lucky to have him"... That another admirer said: "I am, I do believe, rather in love. Isn't he such a cute and squishy chubby-chops?”... That his wife of 40 years doesn't think John can dance at all, unlike his hot, Russian dance partner Kristina... That Helen Mirren said of Russell Brand: "I heard he fancies me. I fancy Russell too. I mean, who can resist a man that looks so good in tight trousers? He's absolutely lovely"... That Helen would throw a limb over a leather clad U bend... That Jamie Oliver unwisely admitted the following about amorous fans at book signings: "So I said 'Look, you know, I'm very loyal to my wife and if I have to keep kissing these birds, right, it's only a numbers game before I get herpes. And once you've got it ... it never goes… every time the really minging one with flapjack on her lip, who obviously had a bit of herpes came around" the security guard would make him kiss her... That Roseanne Barr had this to say about the lengths she'd go to to avoid her ex-husband Tom Arnold: “Every time I had a break I would have surgery. I think just to get away from him and then when I came back there'd be nurses in the house and I wouldn't be alone with him"... Has Katie Price magically popped into anyone else's head?... That Victoria Beckham has been using bird sh*t on her face after a stint in Japan: "Victoria loves to travel and pick up different beauty secrets. When she was in Japan recently she was admiring how women in their 40s look under 25 and was told about these facials. Then she found out they were available in the USA and popped into a salon for one. The results were so good she even picked up some nightingale dropping goodies to use at home"... That Michael Phelps managed to host the Bowlmor Lanes' 70th anniversary bash, despite an army of girls surrounded him, baying, "Fish man! Fish man!"... That Sarah Palin has been photographed carrying a reusable, eco friendly canvas bag emblazoned with the logo "Real Women Hunt Moose!"... That "serious artists" the Pussycat Dolls want Sarah Palin to join them on stage 'cause she's "hot"... That porn star Lisa Ann will star in Who's Nailin' Paylin: Adventures of a Hockey MILF... That Gerard Butler has been accused of assaulting a paparazzi in LA on Tuesday...