That the Brand/Ross jokes have started streaming in, mainly about them "being added to the Sachs offenders list"... I probably won't comment on it further 'cause The Granddaughter is already getting more than her fair share of coverage... Today's Sun has given us a photo shoot with her alongside her fellow Sluts, while The Mirror have opted to regale tales of how she charges £110 an hour as a dominatrix... Mr. X told the paper: "I was astonished when I heard her complaining about the humiliation of her grandfather by Jonathan Ross and Russell Brand. It's unbelievable when you consider that she earns money by dressing as Mistress Voluptua and humiliating me as her sex slave... She was always asking for money and top-ups for her phone and from what I could see of her flat and lifestyle I assumed she was a student"... That she's since signed up with Max Clifford... That Noel Gallagher said: "Personally, I'm outraged that, yet again, the joyless f**kers who write the columns in (British newspapers) have dictated the tone and are telling people how to behave. I've seen the Daily Mail, they said that Russell should be arrested and charged. Arrested for what? For taking the p*ss? It's so typical of the English in general. 10,000 people get outraged, but only days after it has happened"... That Brand is now "fleeing to America", where they're really laid back about such things... That, of Zack and Miri Make a Porno being banned from various cinema chains in the states, Seth Rogan said: "Some people have an issue with porno - just with the word 'porno' which I think is crazy. Everyone has sex. Everyone likes having sex. They have no problem playing Saw V, which is literally about people torturing themselves. A porno movie is the exact opposite - it's designed to bring joy to the world (I dunno, there's some ropey porn out there). People have been banning our posters and the Saw V poster they're fine with - literally a guy with a dead person's face cut off and strapped to his face, and no one has a prob with him"... That David Beckham is sticking two digits up to the environment and the global recession by comandeering a private jet worth £7million... A source said: "He's going to have to sacrifice a lot by moving back to Europe in January. The only thing we can think of is if he either buys or rents his own jet for a couple of months. He'll be able to fly back to Los Angeles between games and meet up with the family. It might cost a bit but you can't put a price on time with your children"... That Madonna and Alex Rodrigeuz jetted in to Jerry Seinfeld's Hamptons home, in private helicopters, for a "quick and cozy rendezvous"... That Sigur Ros frontman Jon Por Birgisson said: "Being gay seemed natural, but I didn't come out until I was 21. Living in the countryside meant I didn't meet anyone, so it was isolating. When I saw Little Britain, I even identified with the Only Gay In The Village guy"... That Grace Jones had to be restrained by her friends at the Quantum of Solace after party when a fellow guest stepped on her oversized fur coat by accident... A source told The Mirror: "The guy looked totally freaked out. He accidentally brushed past Grace and stepped on her fur coat which didn't go down well. He didn't know where to put himself when she started yelling. Grace can be quite scary. He just kept apologising and then ran as soon as her friends stepped in"... That Grace also decided she was too important to go outside to smoke and sparked up in the venue... She wasn't fined... People are only bullies if you let them be... That BBC presenter Ben Fogle (the dude who managed to make a career off the back of Castaway) caught a flesh eating virus in a Peruvian jungle... A source said the "34-year-old has developed a large, gaping hole in his right arm following his return from shooting adventure programme Extreme Dreams... He is now being treated at London's Hospital of Tropical Diseases"...