All I Know Is That There Were Rumours...

That, oh horrors of almighty horrors, Timmy Mallett did NOT provide the vocal on Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini... That he couldn't hit the high notes, so producers drafted in a supply teacher called Everton Barnes, who's only come forward now due to embarrassment at the time... Barnes said: "I've decided to speak out as I feel it's a great shame Timmy is going around singing the song when he knows it’s not his voice on it. It was even my idea to insert the 'Oh yeahs' and now Timmy is going around shouting 'Oh yeah' in the jungle as if it was all down to him"... Everton should suggest that Mallett and DVD sling in a few distractionary 'Oh Yeahs!' into their Biff Baff Boff debacle... That, of Nicola McClean, Katie Price said: "It's amazing how many of my friends have been ringing me up saying she's trying to be like me - the next Jordan. It's like she's been studying old re-runs of the series I was in, and mimicking my behaviour. It's uncanny. I suppose it's flattering but it's obvious she's got a game plan and is being pretty devious. I don't like her. What next? A glossy magazine shoot and her own range of clothing? It's so predictable"... You're predictable... That Ulrika Jonsson said: "I know I'm A Celebrity... pays well. And it's been known to enhance even the most paralysed of careers - ie Myleene Klass - but I don't like the thought of being stuck in the same rainforest as Robert Kilroy-Snake"... That Ulrika should be on the next series; stints on Come Dine With Me, Comic Relief Does Fame Academy, and Dancing on Ice haven't exactly been the defibrillation paddles on her career... That Brendan Cole said: "John (Sergeant) was very selfish. Kristina worked so hard - she got the short straw and then three-quarters of the way through it was 'Sorry love, all over'. She's been left high and dry. I'm very upset for her, very upset for the show in general as I do think it tarnishes it"... That, of his tryst with SarahSymonds, doorman Mark Mendelsohn said: "She wanted it very rough. She was very much into the kinky stuff. She liked a lot of pain, something I was not too keen on. She wanted sex any way possible. There were certain things that she wanted me to do that I’d never done before. She left me sitting on the bed while she went off to the bathroom for ages. Then she came through the door in a PVC mini-skirt with nothing on top and I didn't know whether to laugh or run out of there or what. I know it probably sounds like every man's dream but it scared the b******s off me"... That Kate Moss and Jamie Hince turned up to a Christmas bash at StellaMcCartney's store with scratches and bruises on their faces... A source said: "The pair kept catching each other's eyes and laughing at some sort of private joke. Party-goers were speculating about the causes of their strange injuries and wondering if overzealous role play was to blame"... That MarkOwen's become a father for the second time... That new father, Corrie's Ryan Thomas, has been fined for "urinating in a bush"... A police source said: "A 24-year-old male was given a fixed penalty notice for being drunk and disorderly. Urinating in a public place can be covered by such a notice"... That Steven Seagal is getting his own "reality style show" called Steven Seagal: Lawman... That Steven is "widely acknowledged by Saturday Night Live producers, writers and cast as the single most obnoxious guest host the show has ever employed"... That Britney said: "They don't look like their father at all... And it's weird 'cause they're starting to learn words like 'stupid,' and Preston says the f-word now sometimes. He doesn't get it from us. He must get it from his daddy. I say it, but not around my kids"... That US magazine is insistent that Angelina Jolie is pregnant with her (technically) seventh child... Both Jolie and Pitt are refuting the claims... That Lindsay Lohan has been caught on CCTV at a club, horsing vodka into her drinks... That KanyeWest's quest to find his perfect woman continues: "I'd like to just have someone I can talk to. But the problem for me is I really like porn and that type of like body style and stuff but then I'm really like super Frenchy fashion style type of guy. Those two things don't really go together a lot!"... He should just get a Germaine Greer audio book, dress a blow up doll in a Chanel suit, and be done with it... That, of his new film Australia, Baz Luhrmann said: "To give context, the President-elect of the United States is 47. If he was living in Australia, it is absolutely credible that the government, because he had one white parent and one black parent, could have taken him forcibly from his family. They would have put him in an institution, probably lied to him that his parents were dead, changed his name and reprogrammed him to be European, so he could have some sort of function doing something of service in white society. That would possibly have been Obama's journey"...