All I Know Is That There Were Rumours...

That, of the fellow celebrities he's invited along on his Comic Relief Kilimanjaro Climb, Gary Barlow said: "Everyone has been great. I thought I would have to have a huge list of people and work my way down because they wouldn' want to do it. But more or less everyone I asked was up for it"... Those "up for it" include people with actual stuff to do, like: Denise Van Outen, Kimberley Walsh, Fearne Cotton, Ben Shephard, Cheryl Cole, Ronan Keating, Alesha Dixon and, laughably, Chris Moyles... That, when Neil Patrick 'Doogie' Harris had to flee a seminar he was lecturing to use the jacks, he left his mic on... That the audience were treated to the expected sound effects, as well as a "pep talk" which entailed Harris saying "Wake up!" repeatedly... That John Cleese has broken up with his 27-year-old girlfriend, Barbie, after she blabbed to the press about the tweaks he's bestowed upon his 69-year-old body... That it wasn't long before Barbie divulged the break-up details with the press: "John called me. He was absolutely furious and he just broke up with me. He doesn’t even want to talk about it. He said in 43 years of being famous no one had ever done anything like this to him... He's upset, I'm upset. It’s awful. I am a good, caring person, who does work for charity and looks after animals. I do not deserve this!"... Other sources say Cleese broke up with Barbie cause he found out she was in fact "born in 1964"... That Channel 4 were inundated with complaints after the broadcast of Gordon's Great British Nightmare on Friday... According to The Mirror: "A total of 312 swear words in 103 minutes - that's one every 20 seconds... In one astonishing scene involving Ramsay, another chef and a restaurant owner there were 37 obscenities in 95 seconds... one every two and-a-half seconds"... That, in one scene with a restaurant owner's daughter, Gordon said: "You're my only f***ing hope right now. Mum's on the f***ing verge, f***ing dad's lost it, and you my sweet at f***ing 19 have the f***ing world on your shoulders... You've been very f***ing loving"... That Gordon Ramsay's eaten himself... That Britney Spears has restraining orders against both O(sam)a Lufti and Adnan Ghalib... That Adnan had to interrupt a sex session with his ex-wife to receive his order... That Britney, Jamie and K-Fed have been banging out a deal, whereby Britney can bring her kids on tour with her, without the involvement of lawyers... That TMZ said: "We've learned Britney will pay Kevin in excess of $4,000 a week for each week she's on tour. The way the deal goes... Brit would get K-Fed his own pad in each of the three bases and he wouldn't even have to show up to get the money... Sources tell us K-Fed's lawyers have said they object to the plan but won't specifically say why. And Kevin apparently doesn't have the cojones to stand up to his lawyers. Britney WILL cancel the tour if she can't take her kids... we know that for a fact"... That Nicole Scherzinger said: "Britney is a good friend of mine. I'm looking forward to getting together and having some quiet prayer meetings with her. And I'll be there to talk through whatever she is going through. She has been through a tough time and it’s important to get together to pray and meditate"... Surely they'll have time to fit in a pillow fight too... That Amy Winehouse has "handed control of her £15million fortune to her parents"... A Mirror source said: "It's still her money and nobody else can touch it. But this stops her doing anything stupid. And it is evidence that Amy is really turning her life around"... That Paris Hilton has bought a house in Camden... That Cameron Diaz is buying a house with her boyfriend, Paul Sculfor, in Essex... That ex-crack head, Craig Charles, has filmed a "Red Dwarf special where he plays old character Lister AND (Coronation) Street cabbie Lloyd Mullaney"... That Orlando Bloom has taken his "Johnny Depp halfway through a sex change" look to new heights, by way of Tommy Lee... This is him on the set of his latest film, Sympathy For Delicious, the plot of which - according to IMDB - entails: "A newly paralyzed DJ who gets more than he bargained for when he seeks out the world of faith healing"... That Cheryl Cole has become the latest celebrity to be handed a book deal: "Girl fans love her and they will all want to read her books. She's been offered a deal for four of five romantic novels which could be worth up to £5 million. She hadn't previously thought of writing, but she's come around to the idea"...