That Billy Connolly said: "I miss my shoes when I'm away because shoes are one of those things you don’t take many away with you. They're cumbersome and heavy, so maybe you’ll take two pairs of shoes and sneakers and some sandals. But when I'm away I think, 'I've got lots of shoes. I've got maybe 100 pairs or something like that in various places." Of one pair in particular, he said: "They were patent leather brogues with a leopard skin bit and were to die for. The leather was an oily, sort of change-colour thing, it was fabric and fur and regarded as pretty bad taste by most people. I adored them but someone stole them from my house when there was a party. That must have been 20 years ago and I still think about them"... That Kevin Federline has finally copped he has not talent, and has turned his attention to making clothes for toddlers: "It's a really tough business, I'm trying to take it seriously and make a quality product for kids but not have parents pay like $500 or something ridiculous for a pair of jeans. You buy your kids a pair of True Religions then they roll around in the dirt like kids do and a $200 pair of jeans is gone. With this economy, I'm looking to do something much more reasonable"... That Penny's better watch its back... That America's latest obsession - Octomom - has been offered a career in porn by Vivid... That Jerry Seinfeld is to feature in a new show called The Marriage Ref... That it will feature "celebrities talking about the highs and lows of married life"... That Blake Fielder-Civil has been released from prison (again) and Amy Winehouse is thinking of getting back with him (again)... That Holly Madison and Criss Angel have split up: "She was very much in love with him (Angel) and they're still very close friends. But it was a conflict of schedules. She felt she couldn't devote 100 per cent of her time to him in Vegas, at the expense of her own career and her goals"... That Britney Spears will have the joy of being sawn in half during her upcoming tour... TV magician Ed Alonzo said: "She's incorporated into major illusions. She'll do dissection, where she's sawed in half, and transposition, where she's in one place and ends up in another place. She's doing all the classic elements of magic... She looks really incredible. She's really toned. Her stomach looks fantastic. This is the Britney Spears people remember from the past. Even stronger and better"... And more productive... That Lauren Conrad is leaving The Hills: "My biggest thing with the show was that I wanted to walk away from it while it's still a great thing (?!?). I always want to remember it that way. I gave MTV a deadline and said, 'This is as long as I can do it and stay sane'"... That reality TV star/walking arse, Kim Kardashian, has "issued an apology for posting 'insensitive' pictures of her family posing with their new pet chimpanzee in the same week an American woman was brutally mauled by a crazed ape"... That Elbow's Guy Garvey said: "I find it a bit disturbing. It cheapens life. I don't need it in my head. There are plenty of great things to look at rather than Timmy Mallet eating kangaroo penises. Why would I want to watch that?"
