That TV3 are trying to convince us that Martin King is to be the first "metro male" member of the Xpose team - PAH HA HA! *slaps thigh* You're not fooling us! *chortles... coughs*... That Sacha Baron Cohen has convinced the likes of Chris Martin and Bono to lend their vocals to tongue'ncheek Band Aid type ditty for his film Bruno: Delicious Journeys Through America for the Purpose of Making Heterosexual Male... That the song, called Dove of Peace, includes such sentiments as "For people of Africa who live in hell/ They will never wear Chanel"... That Madonna is also being approached by Cohen... That, when young David didn't understand his native tongue when asked "How are you?" by his fellow Malawian villagers, Madonna vowed to hire a tutor to teach her family the language basics, saying: "Next time I come here we won't need a guy here to translate for us"... The Sun reported that: "Under the deal which allowed David's adoption, Madonna has a duty to take him back 'regularly' to Malawi so he can see his dad and keep in touch with his roots"... That here's Sir Paul paying a flying visit to a Forces for Nature Benefit in New York on Monday... That, if you peer closely, you can - by all accounts - see his fly in a descended state... That I think I've been peering at his pocket... That Jonathan Rhys Meyers has marked the launch of The Tudors: Season 3 by glowering and gurning his way through some promotional duties around the States... That Effy and Cook off Skins are doing things to each other in real life... That, of hanging around naked, Enrique Iglesias said: "I have these chicken legs like the footballer Peter Crouch. They look even skinnier because I'm six foot two," he explained. "If I ever get fat, then I'm going to have a huge belly and these stupid chicken legs! (cue Arrested Development moment). I'm not comfortable walking around naked. I walk around my house in underwear, but I sometimes feel my housekeeper gets embarrassed. I can't even pee in a public bathroom when there are too many people around"... That, of her pending nuptials, singer Jennifer Hudson said of her dogs' participation: "I want it to be nice and traditional, but very classy, very classy... We'll send them down the aisle with a little tux or something, a little dress"... That Katy Perry took her hoof out of her gob long enough to say: "I really didn't mean to upset her. What I actually said was that I was a skinnier version of Lily Allen and a fatter version of Amy Winehouse. But Lily is skinny now. She is hot - she looks really good"... For the love of God, someone shove her foot back in, NOW!... That MC Harvey said of his ex-wife Alesha Dixon (who recently completed the Red Nose climb up Kilimanjaro): "There are a lot of things that I could have done right, but unless you know what goes on between four walls, you can't really comment. No one knows the whole truth, no one knows why I made that move, no one knows why I done it, I don't need to talk about that because I'd rather be the battering stick for the public and she can be the victim. It don't bother me, I take it like a man, I'll shine, it ain't a problem. Alesha is golden b*****ks to everyone, she can't do no wrong. To them, she's perfect. She can have that title"... That bitterness is never an attractive trait... That, of tabloids (which featured him heavily during his 'Sienna period') Rhys Ifans said: "I don't buy them...If I buy a newspaper I want to be educated - you know, there's a war on in Iraq, there's kids being shot in the street. I want to be informed... there are far worse things in life. If you've got a camera, go to a war zone and tell a story"... That Britney Spears has the hots for one of her on tour backing dancers... That he looks like K-Fed, 'n everything... His name's Chase Benz, and this is what his mother has to say on the subject: "He's a young man - he doesn't want that kind of lifestyle. He's a good kid: the real deal, and very mature for his age. He's been brought up in the Bible belt - he just happens to be a good dancer. We're a deeply religious family, and family is important for us"... That's handy considering Britney comes with a couple of kids... That newly divorced Bill Murray spent some time chatting up a "Scarlett Johansson-look-alike" while he was out for dinner with "five of his six sons"... The New York Post said that he "walked over to the woman, tapped her on the shoulder and started chatting about the Michigan State vs. Kansas basketball game. When his kids got restless he counted his losses, shook her hand and left"... That Chris Brown was spotted "shooting hoops" yesterday at Mary Washington in Fredericksburg, Va - during the college's White Ribbon Campaign - "a week devoted to raising awareness about violence towards women"... That The Apprentice's Kate Walsh and Phillip Taylor (AKA the two most attractive candidates) got it on during the series... That certain publications, like Heat, say they had a relationship, while Kate herself says: "I did snog Phillip one evening but that was all that happened. I don't know why I did it because he was a terrible kisser. There was definitely no affair"... That you can see what other celebrities are up to in Caught Out...
