That this here Rumours bonanza features Madonna and Alec Baldwin's parenting skills; Sacha Baron Cohen's extended engagement; Perez Hilton being "assaulted"; Paris Hilton being a hypocrite; and Lindsay Lohan getting a job.................... That Kate Moss threw a bag belonging to Jamie Hince into a pool during a fight at her "countryside pad"... The mag (man bag) contained the singer's Balckberry, electronic diary and a laptop housing "six brand new songs by The Kills", which weren't backed up anywhere. A source said: "Jamie was absolutely livid and kept yelling, ‘Why would you do such a f*****g stupid thing?! You're acting like a fishwife!'... After much grovelling from Kate, they kissed and made up - and even saw the funny side of it. Kate's buying him a new computer"... That, after spending two whole days in London with Madonna, Mercy James is then due to fly to New York for a week before joining her new mommy on her world tour for the next two months... That's settling... That Paris Hilton has caused a stir in Dubai by posing for photos in a bikini: "Paris had made a big public speech, saying how much she loved the Middle East and respected its culture. But the following day she was prancing around on the beach in her bikini and posing provocatively. Bosses warned her Western tourists have been jailed for flouting the rules"... That, of her being Bruno's first choice to teabag at the MTV Movie Awards, Paris said: "I was asked if I wanted to be involved in something that was going to be crazy. I didn't know it was going to be Sacha Baron Cohen hitting someone in the face. I love him and think he's hilarious. But I don't know what my parents would think"... Um, "there's our girl, making a few bucks. How proud. Hey, let's put her sex tape on! You get the Popcorn, Kathy!"... That Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher's wedding has been postponed again as they're both too busy... That Cohen is up to his kugelsack with his Bruno PR duties and Isla's considering " relocating to Ireland with Olive to film an action comedy called Your Highness"... That Ryan Seacrest has asked Linday Lohan to present a reality TV show which "gives disadvantaged people $1m to change their lives"... That this is Seacrest's precursor to asking Lindsay to do her version of Denise Richards: It's Nothing But Car Crash Television... That Whoopi Goldberg said: "I was young, homeless and addicted to heroin. I dropped out of high school and into drugs. Simple as that. I was a child of the '60s so I ingested as many mind-altering substances as I could. It was a rite of passage. And when I got clean I was convinced I wanted to be an actor"... That Alec Baldwin is penning a parenting guide: "It will be ironic for some people, but I'm going to write a parenting book. We're at... an awful place right now in terms of parenting. People are raising their children with the belief that we need to be friends with our children. Kids have too much power and call too many of the shots, telling their parents what they will and won't do"... Or reacting badly when you leave them voice messages calling them thoughtless little pigs... That Perez Hilton went into Twittering overdrive when he was "assaulted by will.i.am" of the Black Eyed Peas at the MuchMusic awards in Toronto... Perez's posts included: "I'm in shock. I need the police ASAP. Please come to the SoHo Metropolitan Hotel now. Please" and "I was assaulted by Will.I.Am of the Black Eyed Peas and his security guards. I am bleeding. Please, I need to file a police report. No joke"... Well use your mobile to ring the bleedin' police yerself, then?... That, as it turns out, it's the band's "general manager Polo Molina who's under investigation"... That, today, Rihanna will "take the stand as a witness against Chris Brown in his preliminary hearing"... That Sarah Jessica Parker was pulled over by police for driving in the Hamptons without the lights of her new Mercedes Minivan turned on... A source said: "She told him it was a brand-new car and she didn't know how to turn them on. They showed her how and let her go with a warning"... That her newborn twins will be in safe hands (that of a nanny)... That you know the story with Caught Out...
