That the news that they were the most voted for act in last weekend's X Factor (seriously) has gone to Jedward's collective groinal area... According to The Sun: "The crowd cheered as the Irish twins, 18, clowned around by a window dressed only in their boxer shorts - but wealthy neighbours were outraged", and called the police... That seemingly some of their teenage (female) fans flashed their burgeoning breasts at the twins, "who responded by grabbing their crothces in a Michael Jackson-style jokey dance"... That Cheryl said of Simon: "He starts getting annoying and saying nasty things. It gets quite heated backstage, and quite competitive. I don't feel like I'm a competitive person. I feel like the best person should win X Factor, whether they're in my category or not. But he's so competitive and so rude sometimes that I find myself getting caught up in it." That, when someone suggested she give Simon a clatter, Cheryl responded: "I should do, shouldn't I!"... That she's had practice... That Simon has been giving both Dannii and Cheryl jip (not in the good way) over their immaculate appearance when on the show: "He told the girls he wants them to spend less time in front of the mirror and in their dressing rooms and more time concentrating on their acts, song choices and criticisms. He thinks Cheryl and Dannii need to be more real. He thinks they're too afraid to offend. He doesn't want them to say just what they think the public wants to hear. He wants them to think about what they're saying. He's worried about the show becoming boring"... That Strictly Come Dancing have lined up Mariah Carey, Pamela Anderson and Richard Gere to perform on the flagging show... That one will sing, we're not sure what the other two will do but it's sure to involve cavorting, nudity and furry animals... That Robert Pattinson has "been dumped by Kristen Stewart". A source said: "Now The Twilight Saga: Eclipse has finished filming, there's been a lot of tension about the logistics of their relationship as Robert wants to go back to the UK, while Kristen prefers to stay in Los Angeles... Robert was talking marriage but she told him they needed a break"... That Ke$ha (some 22-year-old Landan type who has a single out called Tik Tok. She will be responsible for the degradation of the Queen's English) relieved herself in a unique way when in the Shepherd's (unfortunately not Bush) Tavern "in Mayfair with Lily Allen"... Sources report the singer "allegedly pulled down her wet-look leggings and shocked other punters as she relieved herself in front of them. 'When you've got to go, you've got to go, girls,' The Mirror quotes her as saying. Allen then responded: 'Now even I couldn't do that. Oh my God'"... That if Ke(shudders before typing)$ha was so desperate, she could've just peed in her wetlooks while standing at the bar... That Jordan said: "I will retire when people are bored of me, but thanks to the public, they're still keeping me here, they're keeping me going"... That I will hunt down these people, if it's the only thing I do... *reads next line of text* assuming they exist... That Jordan then said: "I get a lot of stick, but I like a bit of stick, it drives me. I like the knockdowns, they've just made me really strong. I'm like a tank, you can fire bullets and they just won't get through to me"... That explains it... That Corey Feldman's second wife has filed for divorce... That, in an interview with Rolling Stone, Chris Brown said: "At the end of the day, I'm sorry for what I did, whatever it is"... *smacks head off desk... or repeatedly off car door. Whatever you prefer, Chris*...
