That Russell Brand wants to marry Katy Perry naked, toothily proclaiming: "We are going to do the wedding naked! All the families will be naked"... Katy, meanwhile, said: "We just want it to mean something. It doesn't matter if it's just me and him or if it's a big, fat ordeal. I think when the time is right and we can both schedule it (romantic) we will do it. And when no-one knows about it"... That his "whacky" banter is bound to start sitting on those bountiful boobs of hers fairly shortly... That Nicole Kidman has been spotted visiting a fertility clinic... That Beyonce Knowles wants to do a 'rock' duet with the Kings of Leon, and discussed as much at a Grammy after party: "They were chatting for ages. She knows how huge they are in the UK and loves their album. She was scouting for people to collaborate with and has been talking about doing something different with a rock band. Kings of Leon would be perfect"... That the only other of Grammy After Party morsel of news also entails Beyonce, and it's that innocuous it barely bears repeating: "Jay-Z didn't seem amused when an emotional Beyonce thanked him as her 'husband' onstage at the Grammys. Sources say he was taken aback because they don't like to talk publicly about being married. A source at the show said, 'He appeared startled and a little exasperated.' But the couple, who wed amid strict secrecy in 2008, was later all smiles at the Sony BMG party at the Beverly Hills Hotel, where they celebrated Beyonce's record six awards. A spy said, 'They were holding hands and looking happy'"... And if you thought that hardly qualifies as news, get a load of this sh*t: "Celebrity reporter Ryan Seacrest broadcast a special E! bulletin from backstage at the event, and was shocked to see Britney and her enormous group of followers stream past. 'Britney just ran by with an entourage of 100,' he wrote on his Twitter page'"... That's not news, that's merely an exaggeration?! Now, if he said, 'Britney just ran by in a ropey fishnet sack AND underwear', that would've been news... That Julia Roberts said of her husband Danny Moder: "We're going to make out for 24 full hours on Valentine's Day. I'm gonna film it. Youtube, look for it on February 15th"... Or they could just go and watch the film you're trying to covertly promote, called Valentine's Day... That John Terry is "to miss a vital FA Cup match so he can spend Valentine's Day trying to win back his wife Toni", who's currently in Dubai with her parents... That I could go on about the ins and outs of Wayne Bridge being devastated, and Vanessa Perroncel liaising with Max Beelzebub Clifford regarding her best options (SELL, SELL, SELL!) but it's just yet another story about a mindless footballer who stuck it in someone else unbeknownst to his wife. The only difference here is it was - travesty of all travesties - also behind the back of a fellow footballer. They should all just engage in a Mongolian cluster **** and be done with it... That, of saying Sharron Davies's Dancing on Ice performance was like "watching faecal matter that won't flush, that goes around and around but doesn't go anywhere", Jason Gardiner added after Sunday's show (and after a load of complaints): "On last night's Dancing On Ice I was criticising the performance of Sharron Davies and made some comments which may have caused offence to her and the viewers. For this I'm sorry and would like to apologise"... BOOOOOOOO... That Celebrity Come Dine with Me allows the participants to use rented homes on the show: "For logistic and security reasons, some of the celebrity dinner parties are filmed at a rented location rather than their own homes. This is only the case for the celebrity spin-offs. Contributors for Come Dine With Me host their dinners at their own homes." One of the perennially outraged sorts at the Daily Mail said: "Surely there is an obligation on the programme makers to make it clear to the viewers. That's the format of the show - it is supposed to be a dinner party at their house"... QUICK, EVERYONE COMPLAIN!...

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