That Abbey Clancy is today being treated to photographs of Peter Crouch drunkenly fondling girls in a pub on the French Riviera... One of them happened to be English, and willing to spill to The Mirror: "It was obvious Crouch was drunk. Someone was taking a photo so I put my arm around him but Crouch took the opportunity to touch me. He had his hand all over my arm and leg... I was appalled and should have slapped him there and then. He was coming onto me. He asked me what I did and when I said I was a nurse his eyes lit up and he drooled, 'Oh yes, a nurse? I bet you look lovely in a nurse's uniform'. He was being a blatant sex pest. I asked, 'Where's Abbey?' and he replied, 'Oh I don't know. She's not come out'. Then he pulled a horrible face. At that point I got up and moved away"... Another said: "Peter Crouch was a total disgrace. About 1am I saw him kissing a woman and thought, 'What a dirty cheat! I'm going to take some photos'. How dare he. He was out on his own and extremely drunk, absolutely smashed. Who the hell is this guy to play away behind Abbey's back? She deserves to know what he's really like, that he was behaving like a monster even before he went with that prostitute. She deserves better. I saw him kiss and cuddle at least two women. But he was so drunk I'd be surprised if he can remember. That might be his best defence to Abbey"... That Simon Cowell wants X Factor guest judge, Nicole Pussycat Doll, to accompany him for the "judges' house section" of the show... Sinitta will be well pleased... As it turns out, Louis wants Nicole too, for some reason... Oooh, X Factor producers relying on contrived conflict as a promotional tool, who'd have thought it... That Susan Boyle is to have her own Madame Tussauds waxwork... That the bird and the little person from N-Dudz have been trashing hotel rooms and rental apartments, 'cause they're that classy... That Jordan said in an interview with The Guardian (?!): "A lot of my friends have got kids by two different dads and most of my friends' parents aren't together, so I'm in that circle where to us it's normal. Or we're just a bunch of slappers"... Of Jordan being a surrogate for her friends Gary Cockerill and Phil Turner, Alex said: "We're going to have words, I think. That isn't happening, not while I'm around. That was said when I wasn't around, fair enough, then I come round, but that isn't happening now"... That Neil Patrick 'Doogie' Harris is "expecting twins" with his partner, David Burtka... That Tila Tequila got pelted with "rocks and fireworks" when she tried performing at the Gathering of Juggalos in Illinois over the weekend... TMZ reports: "Colt Cabana - formerly of the WWE and currently wrestling with ROH (Ring of Honor) - tells us that halfway through the chaos, Tila ripped off her top to try and distract the crowd. But, he says, that only worked for about a minute before they all went back to throwing stuff at her. Cabana says the ordeal lasted about 15 minutes. A security guard told him someone had a watermelon that had been fermenting in urine and feces for two days and that they had been saving it all weekend for Tila. No word if the watermelon connected"... That Mel Gibson's people have been trying to gag the mistress his mistress didn't know about... Sources say Violet Kowal claims she was communicating with Mel on January 6 about his blowup with Oksana Grigorieva. In the days following - January 7, 8 and 9 - Violet Kowal claims she was contacted by one of Mel's bodyguards. We're told Kowal says the bodyguard sent text messages, warning her that she couldn't talk about the incident and that she should 'disappear' for a price. And sources say Kowal - who is now repped by Gloria Allred - has phone records and text messages"... That Kelsey Grammer plans to wed his brand new girlfriend/prospective mother of his child, Kayte Walsh, once he "clears up some other stuff" - like divorcing his wife of 13 years... TMZ reports: "Grammer - who was super chatty with photogs - said he's 'very happy' with the situation and joked, 'we wanna keep the baby.' BTW - the couple was on their way over to super-fancy jeweler Harry Winston's... BLING!"