All I Know Is That There Were Rumours...

That this Rumours will largely feature Charlie Sheen... That Sean Penn wants pour further hardship upon the people of Haiti: "I think his energies, intelligence and passion could be both of service and servicing to him, as it is to all who are touched by the struggle of the Haitian people. Charlie is one of the very few public people who cannot be accused of using the media to his own benefit. I would very much like to show my old friend the world of needs on the ground in Haiti, and introduce him and his tremendous wit to our hard-working Haitian staff"... That, shocker of shockers, Charlie has someone who Tweets for him... RadarOnline Editor-in-Chief Dylan Howard said: "I'll let you know a secret. He doesn't actually do the tweets himself. He has a 'tweet-master' as he calls it. He calls this person on the traditional cell phone, or the house phone when I was there, and says the message that he wants out"... That the tweet-master's name is Bob Maron... He's a winner... That Charlie Sheen is cashing in on his recent spate of "winning" soundbites; he's already given the green light for a 'Tiger Blood' smoothie and a signature hotdog slathered in 'Tiger Blood' sauce... That he's also releasing a memoir entitled 'Apocalypse Me. Warlock Latin for WINNING'... That Charlie is above bigamy; he's planning on marrying both of his "goddesses" - assuming he can stop both of them from storming out of the house (we'll get to that in a minute) - with one source saying: "Charlie has strong feelings for both Rachel and Natalie and thinks their relationship is much more healthy and loving than most marriages. He would love to make both of them his wives. He thinks they are going to be very happy together for a long time. Despite having two women living with him, life in Charlie's house is surprisingly normal"... That one of them, the official porn star, temporarily left Charlie yesterday after an argument... At the time, Sheen had someone tweet the following for him: "Update: Sober Valley Lodge; Rachel (AKA Bree Olsen) has left the building..., We're sad.... Over it... Applications now being accepted! #winner"... That, when questioned about the argument, Charlie offered: "I chipped one of my warlock fangs on a great white shark I had to murder. Pissed me off and like an ass I took it out on her"... That, to celebrate having her twins back, Brooke Mueller has been parading the two-year-olds around paparazzi riddled outlets in LA like The Grove... She's also planning to appear in a reality show with Paris Hilton... That "Mueller called off the custody deal yesterday because Charlie blabbed about the terms to the media"... That Charlie Sheen also wants to fight for custody of this kids with Denise Richards... That "California marijuana dispensaries are now selling a strain of the sticky icky" inspired by Sheen's grounded temperament... TMZ reports: "one employee tells us the weed is in such high demand, they've had to start growing more. So where does "Charlie Sheen" rank? As you can see from the pic ... somewhere between Jupiter and Venus ... so, we're guessing it's pretty out of this world ..." That you can watch Charlie Sheenunleash his "torpedoes of truth" on his new online chat show... We shall return to our normal instalment of Rumours shortly...

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