All I Know Is That There Were (many, MANY) Rumours...

That Louis Walsh is still riding the band wagon by holding open auditions for a new girl band next weekend... That said auditions will be hosted from 12pm at the POD Complex, Harcourt Street, Dublin, on Friday and Saturday the 25th and 26th of July... That, after being told to put on weight for her role in Transformers: Rise of The Fallen, 'Sexiest Woman Alive' Megan Fox said: "I'd lost a lot of weight and got really scrawny, but I was told I had to put on size for Transformers because Michael (Bay, the director) doesn't like skinny girls... I would love to do a movie naked - it would be beautiful. No one dares make that kind of film today. They did it in the 1930s in an arty way, so why not now?"... Over to you, Mr. Bay... That I can NOT believe she's still going out with David Silver from Beverly Hills 90210... He couldn't even pull 'Kelly'... That Ronnie Wood is currently undergoing rehab in The Priory... That, in a new one-off show produced by (who else but) MTV, Kerry Katona said of The Priory: "It's like a holiday camp at The Priory, it's like going to Butlins for the weekend"... That she followed this with: "I'm going to get a brand new body, I hate going to the gym to do it. I'm going to have liposuction"... Said MTV show is entitled Kerry Katona: The Afterbirth... I'll refrain from imparting the time and date of broadcast 'cause who wants to watch that sh*te?... That HeidiKlum's right leg is worth £100k more than her left... That the model said: "They are different values because I have this little scar. I had to be examined in London. A guy came and inspected my legs"... Now that's an enviable job... That, of ParisHilton's encounter with Cristiano Ronaldo in Hollywood's club Villa a few days ago, a witness said: "Paris was all over him. The moment he arrived, she went over to his private table. At one point, she pushed her chest together (?!) and made a point of trying to snuggle up against him. But Ronaldo clearly wasn't interested in Paris. He turned his back on her"... That Benji must feel so appreciated... That citizens of Nice are protesting outside the Fondation Lenval hospital since Angelina's twins were plucked from her uterus... That residents are enraged that an American actresses' newborns got priority coverage over a "high-profile murder case"... That the Mayor has been too busy waving the "children's birth certificates on the steps of the hospital, describing the birth of Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline as 'a pride to Nice and all its citizens'"... That one reporter in St. Tropez said: "Everyone's calling her Hurricane Angelina, because she swept in and took all the coverage"... That Colin Farrell and his new bird Emma Forrest have been spotted purchasing a pregnancy test... That there are more covert ways of going about such matters... That Gary Barlow has fathered a third child... That Mena Suvari will marry a music producer she's been seeing for less than a year... That it will be the 29-year-old actress' second marriage... That Katie Holmes will guest star in US TV show Eli Stone... That "the episode with Holmes, in which she displays her singing and dancing skills, is the season's second and will air (in America) on October 21"... That, when asked about Britney, Piers Morgan said: "She's still got ability. I feel sorry for her. She needs someone like me to take charge of her career. I'd sort Britney out in a heartbeat"... That he randomly followed this with: "I'd beat Simon to a pulp. He'd only be able to punch my stomach because that's as far as he can reach"... That, despite just becoming a father, Matthew McConaughey has managed to set up a record label as well as a production company called jk livin - which stands for "just keep livin"... That a source told The New York Post: "He's looking for a distribution deal with all the major labels for his own label. His first artist is a reggae guy called Mishka. The album will be called Above the Bones and the first single is Here Comes Da Train. He's also doing the soundtrack for Surfer Dude"... That Surfer Dude is a film being produced through jk livin'... That my shoulders are sore from cringing... That Maxim, after making Sarah Jessica Parker feel "filled with rage and anger" when they voted her 'The Unsexiest Woman Alive', are now making amends by bestowing her the honor of "Unexpected Crush"... That SJP getting her mole removed is making today's headlines - take that, Angelina's womb...