Alex Reid is ready to marry Katie Price and start a family. Quelle surprise.

When asked if he was feeling broody, the winner of Celebrity Big Brother replied: "Yeah. I absolutely want kids. But that is private (like your a**e crack?). Who knows? I might be firing blanks!" Here's hoping. Yes, that's a harsh thing to day, but she's got far too many kids already (more on that in a bit) and they'd hardly come across with the brightest of spawn.

When asked about how he was going to propose (like she wouldn't have it already planned already), Alex opted for the coy approach, saying: "It is a secret. I've got lots of plans but I am going to keep them a mystery. I have completely realised how fantastic she is. How generous and kind she is and how much I fancy her. She is just the perfect woman for me. It was nice to hear she said I am the love of her life. I feel the same about her. She is The One, 100 percent."

To compound this fact, and thrash any surprise or romantic element out of their relationship, Jordan piped in during another lucrative interview: "This year I will marry Alex and I'm going to have his kids... I wish I'd met Alex six years ago. He's perfect in every way. He's a proper gentleman. Every man I've been with, I'd never buy a house with them, never buy a car with them. But I said to Alex, forget my house, we should buy a house together. I'm going to downsize so we can both afford it. We'll have our joint account, whatever we earn together will go in one pot and everything will be paid out of that. It will be completely equal. So there's no egos, who earns the most. I've never done that with a guy and that's what I'm doing with Alex." And make him completely dependent on me. So much so that he'll say stuff like this: "I need Katie. I don't need her for fame but I need her."

Some sources are saying the collective mass of tanned silicon encased muscle will wed sometime this year, while others are saying it'll be a matter of days... what with them jetting off to Las Vegas yesterday without the kiddies. Pandre is not amused:

"Katie's surprise trip to the US has reportedly enraged her ex-husband Peter Andre, who raises three children with her - Harvey, seven, Junior, four, and two-year-old Princess Tiaamii. Peter had been looking after the kids all week and was 'lived' when he heard Katie had left them with her nannies and jetted off with her lover. 'It's absolutely outrageous the way she behaves with the kids sometimes,' a source told The Sun. 'They are an afterthought. Kate was meant to pick them up after school yesterday but word filtered back that she was on her way to Heathrow for a flight and the nannies would be looking after the kids all week. Pete hit the roof.'"

Alex Reid. The co-abandoner of children. The people's champion.