Long hair on a man is one of those weird and touchy subjects. There's a strangeness that people have towards it, they're not really sure what they think of it. If we're to go on society's perception of a man growing the hair out long, it's a faux-pas, fitting in there alongside moustaches and turtle-necks.
Having had long hair, numerous times, over the years, I can speak from experience, that we long haired gentlemen get our fair share of slagging. Here're a few examples of some of the verbal abuse you're likely to expect:
'Why do you have long hair, you big fecking eejit'
'Cut your hair, you big dirty grunger'
'You look like a feckin' a girl'
'It's not Halloween, take off the wig'
'You look like Hayley out of Coronation St.' (RIP in peace, Hayley)
'If I was drunk enough, I would probably try and shift you'
'You've longer hair than me Ma'
'Who does yer man think he is? Nirvana?'
'You look like one of The Gilmore Girls'
But, let's take a look at it objectively, for a second. Having long hair is one of the ultimate statements you can make as a man. It emits a comfort within one's own masculinity that is hard to achieve any other way. It says:
'Yeah, I am a man. I have long hair and so did Jesus. And, he created the f*****g world'.
Overcoming the verbal onslaught will be your biggest test, but, once you come out the other side, lads, you're the master of your own destiny. Growing your hair what ever way the feck you want, whenever you want.
And, people will start respecting you for it, and all. Women will flock, asking about the conditioner you use:
'Do you use Herbal Essence? Or Timotei?'.
And, lads will come up to you in the pub and compliment you, on the sly and under their breath, just in case one of their mates overhears them:
'I actually think your hair is class, man'
These are just a few of the wee delights you can look forward to.
In the meantime, let's take a look at a few examples of well known men who are not afraid to piss on social norms and grow out the 'auld gruaig, big shtyle.
Brad couldn't give a rat's arse that 'long hair is for girls'
Wearing it well, Master Pitt. And, looking remarkably like Borussia Dortmund manager Jurgen Klopp. Another man who's not afraid of the long strands.
Arguably, today's Godfather of long hair. Johnny Depp, he knows what he's doing.
Another thing worth noting, lads. Hats look unreal with more hair.
Orlando'll sport the lengthy locks, not an effing bother on him.
And, if the mane gets in your face, you can just tie it back, like our mate Bloom here. It's a win/win, guys.
Now, you might be warranted in saying that the examples I've given, so far, don't apply to us Irish men. I beg to differ. Here's our very own Colin bleedin' Farrell donning the big mane:
Now to be fair, Colin does look like he's been on the tear for the past fortnight, here, but look at those locks; gorgeous.
Colin, looking more like Sebastien Chabal's brother in this one. But he's gone for it, and that's the main thing.
If you weren't convinced from the above pair of Farrell examples, take a gander at these next two. Colin, all credit to you, lad.
Wear it proud, brother.
As I mentioned, Jesus Christ himself did it, and he was looking well and all, boi. But, by the way, I'm not saying that we should take all our style tips from Jesus, because he wore opened toed sandals and that's just gross. Just take the hair idea.
Ye're the master of your own destiny, lads. Get that mop out and see where it takes you.
Well, 'Because you're worth it'
I'll get my coat.