If you had to show Eurovision to someone who wasn't familiar with it - without no context or explanation of what's involved - what would that look like? We'd love to know. Anways, what with Eurovision returning to our telly-boxes next weekend, we thought we'd do a quick rundown of our five "favourite" Eurovision songs. Let's be honest. They're all cheesy as hell and ultimately forgettable. But, y'know, Eurovision. You can't not.
5. BUCKS FIZZ - "You're Making Your Mind Up"
Real talk - if you actually listen to the lyrics of You're Making Your Mind Up, they're talking about... well, you know. Also, that little skirt-removal thing's gotta be the best on-stage performance we've seen from the UK in years. Not counting Engelbert Humperdinck actually making it to the stage last year.
4. BROTHERHOOD OF MAN - "Save All Your Kisses For Me"
Is it just us or do we all associate this song with CrazyPrices? For some reason, we have truly vivid memories of hearing this song as a child every time we went into CrazyPrices. In fact, the PA system in CrazyPrices often played a lot of former Eurovision hits. Maybe it's like that lift in the Eurosong episode of Father Ted, y'know? Also, one time we heard a death metal version of this song. It was amazing.
3. LORDI - "Hard Rock Hallelujah"
When these guys won in 2006, it became clear that any semblance or hope of Eurovision being taken seriously went flying out the window, into oncoming traffic and was ping-ponged around by moving cars before a truck finally flattened it. Trust the Scandanavians to send zombie vikings out and have them actually win. It's all political, you know.
2. ABBA - "Waterloo"
It's a great song and it launched Abba into deserved stardom. But we will always associate Waterloo with this...
1. JOHNNY LOGAN - "Hold Me Now"
In true Eurovision fashion, we've tactically put our best foot forward and split votes across the board with this one. Johnny Logan with that white suit winning it twice for Ireland and giving it socks with the backup singers. If you grew up in Ireland during the 1980's and 1990's, this song was thought alongside the 'I Before E Rule' and the Five Times Tables. HOLD ME NOW, DON'T CRY, DON'T SAY A WORD AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND.