I've got one word for you: 'TABBY FROM X-FACTOR'. If it wasn't for TABBY FROM X-FACTOR there would have been no Le Galaxie gig in Sligo this past Friday night. Without TABBY FROM X-FACTOR no-one would have got to see my 'big fat party animal' shirt, Le Anthony's one-of-a-kind pixelated Phil Collins t-shirt or Le David's neon bass strings. None of the wild Sligonz who filled Tricky's McGarrigles would have gotten to experience our extensive canon of hits such as 'Love System', 'You Feel The Fire', 'Red Red Wine' and 'Champagne Supernova'. Ok, those last two are both Simply Red songs but you get the point. You don't? Well, here it is... LE GALAXIE LOVE TABBY FROM X-FACTOR. We found ourselves with a busted keyboard literally tens of minutes before our show and put out an impassioned plea to the town itself to, please, come to our aid.
In Sligo, Tabby can hear you scream...
Help me Tabby Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope...
You so Tabby, I think I wanna have your babby...
So. After all the drama, fighting and tender make-up sex we went on to do one sweaty bastard of a show. We've played Tricky's in Sligo three times in ten months and every time it seems even smaller. Or maybe taller people are coming to see us. Do small people go to gigs? I don't know. Frankly, I don't want to know. All I know that if ONE more fucking thing goes wrong with any piece of music equipment we own I'm going to give it all up and join Something Happens. And no, I haven't figured out why they were successful yet. I sent a complex dossier of formularizations, suppositions and theoretical experiments to Prof. Michael Fleetwood of the Musical Confusion Academy in Trinity College, who in turn sent said documents to Dr. Steven Nicks at the School Of Denim Jackets in Cambridge University. So flummoxed was Dr. Nicks at the apparent popularity of Something Happens that he referred the entire case to the greatest scientific musical mind in Europe. No, that mind is not based at CERN. It is based at 2FM. Larry Gogan, we want answers.
You don't know what 'Arthur's Day' is? Well, it's kind of like St. Patrick's day except instead of Irish flags there is vomit, instead of leprechaun hats there is violence and instead of Irish pride there are two nude men in Temple Bar, one playing the other's dick like a banjo while he stands upside down and cackles maniacally. Tiocfaidh ár lá. We here in Le Galaxie are principled fellows though and we are taking a stand. Taking a stand FOR money. See you in Bourke's of Limerick this Thursday!
We'll also be at the Pavillion, Cork, on Saturday. Our 3rd time playing that luscious little venue, and it's free in. Now, just because there's no cover charge that doesn't mean you can't shove singles into our thongs or make it rain. You know how Le Galaxie love it when you make it rain.
Your friend in time,
"Doc" Emmett L. Brown.
September 1, 1885
(Hey guys, I'm seriously pissed off that you put that George Lucas bit in last week when I SPECIFICALLY asked you not to. What if he had read that that? Do you want to be responsible for George Lucas thinking that Irish people make fun of his jaw-beard that makes him look totally not fat? Please be more careful. Oh, and thanks for the advice Re: that rash. It hasn't spread but definitely heading back to those toilets at the Applegreen in Urlingford to have stern words with that guy. I'd remind you not to print this bit but I can't imagine that you will make the same mistake again.)
Editor's note: We apologise, won't happen again.