'You join us at a turbulent time. When things go very right, they can also go so very wrong. Just as you sell out two Christmas shows at the Workman's Club in December, you realise that your precious laptop computer, that which (kinda) powers your entire career, has been damaged on the way back from the Berlin Festival. 'You guys have back-ups, right?' says you. And yes, I will admit that we have done those from time to time. But they can take up to SEVEN minutes to do and that's crazy boring.
So we found ourselves with our proverbial trousers around our proverbial ankles this week with a machine on the fritz (pun intended) and no way to do Paul McLoone's show live from the Workman's Club last Wednesday. That felt bad. Real bad. We're not badass rock n' rollers. We're dorks. We are on time, professional, courteous, intense, serious and entirely passionate about every aspect of Le Galaxie. At least until we go on-stage. Then the elevated experience of our lives begins. So letting down Today FM felt hurty. I hope they are not fighting with us. Actually, if they are fighting with us they should know that Le Anthony Galaxie knows Krav Maga. He could kill you with a sliced pan.
Dramatic recreation of what we imagine Le Galaxie's damaged laptop to look like.
I'll now take a moment to speak about Le Galaxie's recent German adventure. We'd played Berlin once before; An Irish showcase by the name of Popkomm with some the best bands in the country: Ham Sandwich, We Cut Corners, Last Days Of 1984 and my band 'The Galaxy'. Berlin Festival was an entirely different cupboard of cat skulls (I just invented that saying now). Laid out entirely in the opened hangars of the defunct Templehof Airport, it's far removed from the standard festival experience of jean shorts, fake tan, wellies, pink cowboy hats, 5am acoustic performances of Mundy songs, torn GAA jerseys, barf, arses, sex pits, barfy arses and head butting. In fact, what struck us instantly was that distinct lack of head butting. And when I say 'lack', I actually mean 'nobody was head butting each other'. At all. I didn't feel right. So all their smooth, soft, un-loafed German heads were able to focus on a very civilised, very concrete and very impressive festival. Imagine Electric Picnic taking place in East Point Business Park. It's weird but it totally works.
Participating in a festival on Terra firma is both unique and disconcerting. Every stage is a main stage, no matter what the size. You face outward to every punter in the place and it's up to you to grab their attention. Remember in Saving Private Ryan when Tom Sizemore takes a bit of mud from each battle he is in and keeps it in a little tin can? We (metaphorically) do that for every festival we play in Ireland, such is the unique, bewitching alchemy that surrounds every one of them. In Berlin there was no mud. But we did good. We did good without the mud.
The second most dramatic thing to rock Le Galaxie towers this week was a confrontation with some mouth-breathing arse-candle on our Facebook page about adorable cuddle bundle Chris Brown's ferocious attack on one Robyn Rihanna Fenty. I won't bore you with the details but let's just say this: If you are the kind of person who thinks 'people really need to get over this', then head on over to Facebook.com/LeGalaxie where we offer a wide range of arguments to make you feel like the meathead, low IQ pond-life that you clearly are. We cool? Thought so. Everyone else just come Facebook.com/LeGalaxie to say hi!
That's all for this week. Up next week is a full and frank breakdown of Le Galaxie's far-right belief system and the answer to that eternal question: Why were Something Happens ever popular?
(Hey, entertainment.ie, is there any chance you could post this article in the style of the Star Wars opening crawl? I just think it would lend it a gravitas and a George Lucas-ness that Ireland would respect. I mean, as we all know, the Lucas name is synonymous with integrity, fortitude and chin-beards that convince people you are not fat. Anyway, have a think about it. And whatever you do, DON'T ACCIDENTALLY PRINT THIS BIT!)'
Editor's note: Yes.