Kevin would be looking at 4 years in juvenile detention, Wet Bandits are looking at 30 to life.
While 'Home Alone 2' may not be the better of the two 'Home Alone' movies - nobody thinks about the third, or indeed the fourth one - it does have some of the better setpieces of the two.
For example, you've got Kevin turning the Plaza into his own playground, there's the bit in the toy shop, and the ending inside the building site where it basically becomes 'Die Hard'.
The Secret Barrister (that's his / her Twitter account / name) just so happened to be watching 'Home Alone 2' and was good enough to point out a number of legal mishaps, possible sentencing guidelines and much more besides as it occurred on screen.
The interesting thing about it all is that Kevin McCallister is just as likely to do jail time as the Wet Bandits were, never minding the fact that he's only a child.
On top of that, the parents - that's Catherine O'Hara and John Heard - are also definitely looking at some legal trouble in all of this as well.
Here's a few highlights of the live-tweet.
This paper considers, inter alia, how the adventures of Kevin McAllister might have been different had he, his family and his adversaries been subject to the jurisdiction of the law of England and Wales.
— The Secret Barrister (@BarristerSecret) December 22, 2018
Its the choir scene. Buzz is humiliating Kevin and all the parents are lapping it up. The sickos.
Kevin responds with a s39 battery on his big brother. Strike 2.
Pianist is caught in the crossfire. Issue over causation, but let’s add a s47 ABH to the indictment.— The Secret Barrister (@BarristerSecret) December 22, 2018
And they’ve left Kevin on the wrong plane.
Section 1(1) Children and Young Persons Act 1933 - child abandonment/neglect. Max sentence 10 years. Second offence in a year. Serious aggravating feature.
Not mitigated I’m afraid by the awesome 90s comedy faint by Negligent Mom.— The Secret Barrister (@BarristerSecret) December 22, 2018
During the montage, some shopkeeer sold Kevin some fireworks. Kevin is under 18.
Someone is unfamiliar with the Pyrotechnic Articles (Safety) Regulations 2015 and the Explosives Act 1875. And that unfamiliarity could cost them 6 months of their life.— The Secret Barrister (@BarristerSecret) December 22, 2018
Kevin is now committing fraud by false representation (s1 Fraud Act 2006) to secure a suite at the Plaza. Frankly, Tim Curry and his band of ninnies only have themselves to blame. Their security protocols were presumably designed by Chris Grayling.
— The Secret Barrister (@BarristerSecret) December 22, 2018
The Sticky Bandits are conspiring to commit a commercial burglary.
Max sentence 10 years.
That’s right. Even £millions from a children’s toy store on Christmas Eve. If you’re going to commit an acquisitive offence, this is the one. On an early guilty plea, that’s 6.66 yrs.— The Secret Barrister (@BarristerSecret) December 22, 2018
And now the Wet Bandits have Kevin! It’s a completed offence! Section 2 of the Child Abduction Act 1984. Max sentence 7 years.
Kevin just pinched a lady’s bottom to create a diversion. Technically a battery, possibly sexual assault, but again I’d say he has a defence. Just.— The Secret Barrister (@BarristerSecret) December 22, 2018
Bird Lady is telling Kevin that a good deed erases a bad deed. And that good deeds are worth double on Christmas.
This, while a lovely sentiment, is incorrect as a statement of either criminal liability or basic principles of sentencing.— The Secret Barrister (@BarristerSecret) December 22, 2018
We now have an arson with intent to endanger life (setting fire to the kerosene-soaked ropes he’s lured the Bandits onto). At sentence, the court is going to be drowning in psychiatric reports. Assuming they can find enough experts willing to work on legal aid rates.
— The Secret Barrister (@BarristerSecret) December 22, 2018
Kevin spent $967 on room service. While Mr McCallister is angry, he has been a victim of credit card fraud, and (I’ll be corrected by any civil practitioners if this wrong) there’s no way he’s liable for that bill. If anything it should be docked from Tim Curry’s wages.
— The Secret Barrister (@BarristerSecret) December 22, 2018
For two counts of attempting to inflict grievous bodily harm with intent, Kevin, with the heavy mitigation of youth and the fact that he was, after all, being threatened by madmen, will nevertheless be found dangerous. Extended sentence of detention of 4 years plus 4.
— The Secret Barrister (@BarristerSecret) December 22, 2018
Negligent Mom and Skinflint Dad are both getting 8 months’ immediate custody for child neglect. Given that their child could have been brutally killed, this is not a bad result for their barrister.
— The Secret Barrister (@BarristerSecret) December 22, 2018