Gervais Pens Open Letter to President Obama... Regarding Paris Hilton
04 February 2009
Ricky must be experiencing a quiet period from playing variants of David Brent as he found time to post this little letter to the US President on his blog:
"Dear Mr President, firstly, congratulations on your historic win. I have never been so behind a candidate for what must be considered the boss of the world. You seem to be a man of grace and integrity, who would never shirk responsibility in any way. I'll get to the point. As I'm sure you are aware, one of your flock has strayed. A Miss Paris Hilton, who is, I believe, a resident of Beverley Hills, is in England doing a reality game show for ITV2 called Paris Hilton's British Best Friend. Fine. I have no problem with that. I don't have to watch. But now it has come to my attention that she has bought a house in North London a few miles from me, and is out and about ingratiating herself with the Great British public. Mr President. We are not stupid. This is clearly a retaliatory strike for Posh Spice moving to LA. I know it, and you know it, so let's cut the 'it's a free country' nonsense and come to some agreement. I propose an exchange. This is how it would work. We call them both and tell them that we've found a giant 'paparazzi nest', in New York say. (half way home for both of them already). At first they may be confused that they'd never heard of such a thing before, but the thought of that many photographers in one place will be irresistible. Once we get them there, while they are having their photos taken (we will have hire a few guys with cameras to make it look good) we will swap their limos around. It's fool proof. This is a covert operation of which Mr Gordon Brown knows nothing. (I've got him working on finding a synthetic fur for The Queen's guards' bearskin hats.) Have your people call my people. They may have to call a few times as my people are useless to be honest. Thank you, Ricky Gervais."
Oh, the hilarity... He's forgetting, however, that Britain has already retaliated tenfold for the Paris invasion by deploying both Jordan and Peter Andre to California. Apparently the duo are currently leasing a "14,000 square foot, 7 bedroom/7 bath Italian villa" in Malibu for $100,000 per month. They earn a lot of money for a pair of tits…
It's also come to our attention that Victoria might indeed be winging her way back to the motherland to slip into Dannii Minogue's precariously lofty shoes on next season's X Factor. I KNOW! Why didn't we think of her?! She's perfect for the role - gobby, not in possession of any talent herself, will have a bit of a gripe with Cheryl after she said Posh didn't support her when Ashley boned a hairdresser mid-vomit... Beckham is "said to be considering the contract now that her soccer ace husband David may transfer full-time to the AC Milan team in Italy where he is currently on loan from Los Angeles Galaxy." A source tells Britain's Daily Mail, "She doesn't want to come back to Europe with her tail between her legs. But if she can return here to be on the X Factor, then that is different." The £1million contract might also be motivation.
As for Paris, there's an upside to her presence in London: "It's really scary about the economy right now. So the way I'm playing my part in helping is doing a lot of shopping wherever I go." Here's hoping she makes a weekend jaunt over here in the very near future... *gasps* I've just after extending an open invititation to Paris Hilton to visit our shores *hangs head*. The world has gone excessively bats.
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Clars
Thou art a Tool, Gervais. At least you still amuse yourself, even if no-one else is laughing...
Posted 04/02/2009 13:53:42
Clars - the original and best -
Hey, I wrote that first comment at 13.53 but the 2nd one at 16.03 was not me at all.. Who's imposternating me.
Posted 05/02/2009 12:25:01
Rachel
hahha I thought you just really really wanted someone to back you up so you wrote a back up comment yourself. But yes David Brent..sorry..Ricky Gervais is becomming increasingly annoying..and rather smarmy..
Posted 05/02/2009 14:26:37
Clars
Rachel, your lack of faith in me hurts, it really does. Plus the fact that you thought I was too dim to think of using another name for the back-up comment. Dur! And after all my support in your hopeless infatuation of Joaquin "smelly" Phoenix, I mean "Hello!?". Oh God, Ricky Gervais's screechy laugh it's really the worst sound in the world - ruined the podcasts, got all of them as a pressie, but only listened to the first one or two. He sounds like a demented hyena with mental issues.
Posted 05/02/2009 15:10:23
Clars
Rachel, your lack of faith in me hurts, it really does. Plus the fact that you thought I was too dim to think of using another name for the back-up comment. Dur! And after all my support in your hopeless infatuation of Joaquin "smelly" Phoenix, I mean "Hello!?". Oh God, Ricky Gervais's screechy laugh it's really the worst sound in the world - ruined the podcasts, got all of them as a pressie, but only listened to the first one or two. He sounds like a demented hyena with mental issues.
Posted 05/02/2009 15:10:24
Rachel
well now Im hurt! clearly I never meant to hurt you ( in answer to you via culture club) for that Im truely sorry. Of course you could come up with a better name. I can see that now. But cna we PLEASE leave the name calling of Jaoquin out of this. Some people are innocent in this mess.
Posted 05/02/2009 15:22:44
Clars
Rachel, on second thought, how dare you!!! Grrr... You know who i fancy? That guy who posts here, called Paul. I hear tell he's hung like New York's traffic lights :D
Posted 05/02/2009 15:29:51
Paul
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh Clars, i knew it was true :D
Posted 05/02/2009 15:31:54
Admin
Kindly stop with these profane comments, or you will all be banned.
Posted 05/02/2009 15:33:01
Paul
What??? I didn't say anything :(
Posted 05/02/2009 15:38:19
Rachel
Yeah, i know what ya mean Clars, that guy's a ride and 2 quarters :D
Posted 05/02/2009 15:39:10
C.
You all suck!
Posted 05/02/2009 15:39:54
Kaz
whaever!!!
Posted 05/02/2009 15:40:46
Sheena
Push me, and i will kick ass. I mean it.
Posted 05/02/2009 15:41:22
Paul
Woah, things are getting out of control.
Posted 05/02/2009 15:41:50
Admin
Stop this RIGHT NOW!!!
Posted 05/02/2009 15:42:20
Aine
I am the best, if you doubt me, you need help :)
Posted 05/02/2009 15:42:56
Sheena
One more time, and i'll delete you all!
Posted 05/02/2009 15:43:28
Paul
Why???
Posted 05/02/2009 15:43:45
Paul
LOL, sorry Sheena :D I forgot i could do this :D I blame Clars, she reminded me :) x
Posted 05/02/2009 15:45:01
Sheena
Paul, stop pretending to be "Admin" and "Sheena"... or I'll get nasty.
Posted 05/02/2009 15:45:16
Paul
I've stopped hun :) I'm sorry :) I'm a bit hyper :) x PS - That first double post from Clars wasn't me :)
Posted 05/02/2009 15:48:20
Clars - the original and best - now very angry
Oh. My. God. I take my eye of ye for a few minutes and look at the behaviour and running amok that goes on in this page. I wouldn't expect anything better from Paul (sorry dear, no offence - its true tho) , but Rachel! I'm surprised at you, what would Joachin say, he relys on you to introduce some kind of mentally infatuated stability into his newly rockabilly roamin' life. What kind of role model are you now? As for the rest of ye - you know what you did...I'm not so much angry as very sad and disappointed..(Guilt-trip special a la Mother).
Posted 05/02/2009 16:50:38
Paul
LOL, very true Clars, i'm a little bastard :D And i would've went even further with this, but Sheena scared and aroused me when she said she'd get 'nasty', so i stopped :D But coupling that with the whole 'referee uniform' thing, i was tempted to keep going ;) OMG, these litte Marks & Spencer pies are awesome :D 2 for €3 :D I'm having chicken with white sauce :) Have ya heard Sheena's voice? dead sexy, *shhhhhhhhllllllllluuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrppppppppppppp* ;)
Posted 05/02/2009 22:19:16
Clars
Well its clear this isn't young Paul's 1st offence - I have this very creepy feeling now that the ONLY person posting on this site apart from me is Paul, with multiple personalities, most of them female. Actually wouldn't that be a good idea for a thriller??! I've been having flashbacks of Ricky G's horrific laugh all evening - that could be the soundtrack....
Posted 06/02/2009 00:22:41
Paul
Hehehehehe, that would be very funny :D Porblem is, the peeps here are onto me :D Notice how Sheena knew it was me pretending to be her and Admin? How did she know it was me? :D Hehehehe, but good idea ;) After all, i am the man with a thousand nicknames :D Ahhhhhh, remember Ricky's Office dance? Bo Selecta was even funnier :D
Posted 06/02/2009 11:52:16
Paul
Oooooooooo, wouldn't it be even scarier if i were you? Ya know, you could be me posting, but think you're someone else... You could be my mind :D Although if ya were my mind, you'd be naked, Russian, and a dinosaur expert :D With some explosions and girlfriends :D
Posted 06/02/2009 11:53:48
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