If you do one thing for yourself today, get yourself a rain coat. Get a loved one a rain coat too. Why? Because tomorrow, when the rain comes back, umbrellas will be futile.
How many umbrella ribs have you seen sticking out of bins over the last month? How many discarded umbrella carcasses have you stumbled across in the streets? It's just like picking your way through the the remains of wildebeests in the Serengeti. Why? Because, when it's windy, umbrellas are futile.
Via gorgeousanon.tumblr.com
When there's a torrential summer downpour, and you have nothing but a t-shirt on you, brollies are great - particularly the clear plastic ones you can see through, they're just super. However, in this weather, you might as well be wrestling with a crazed vulture that wants to pluck out your eyes. If you're one of those maniacs with a golf umbrella, you may as well stand in a undulating marquee with a wind turbine in your face while trying to cross a road.
If you are an unwavering brolly enthusiast, you should apparently get one with a "double canopy" (as per the below video featuring a guy clinging on to an umbrella on the back of a pick up truck). You'll also need to get yourself the upper body strength of Rambo, and there's always a chance you could inadvertently channel Mary Poppins.
So, tomorrow, when storm no.9 hits, and you're all tucked up in your rain coat, and you see someone in a pair of pumps, and a wool/wet dog coat, who's in the process of throttling an umbrella - do them a favour and shout "UMBRELLAS ARE FUTILE. GET YOURSELF A RAINCOAT, YOU LIVE IN IRELAND YOU F*CKING MUPPET, HAS THE LAST 8 WEEKS TAUGHT YOU NOTHING?!" They'll thank you for it.
It's a miracle no one was seriously hurt in Storm Darwin yesterday, don't let an umbrella invade an eye tomorrow.
