Coronation Street: Complete and utter ars..onist Karl managed to bridge the boundary between stalker and saviour this week, losing the rag with poor Stella before convincing her to marry him: Does this woman have a death wish? The pair arrived home from their holiers to see work on the Rovers was going to plan, only for Stella to discover the insurance wouldn't be paying for her err, 60 Minute Makeover. Shocker. Our Leanne wasn't too happy with her mammy's little arrangement, and got quite the shock when she saw Karl's dark side. Her solution? Attempt to bribe the bride: Genuis. Meanwhile, Peter and Rob came one step closer to becoming the street's answer to Ant and Dec. Or not. Their playground games in the bookies continued, with Peter putting a spanner in the works for Tracy by keeping her fella in after hours. Rob's solution? Buy a few computers, sure Peter must be far too old to know how those things work.. We're guessing drink-spiking is next on the list. And finally, Eileen got back with her firefighting fella, only to discover he'll still be going back to work. Now there's one relationship we can see going up in smoke...

Emmerdale: The fallout from Rishi's big revelation was running through the Dales all week, what with his kiddies disowning him one by one as they tried to decide how best to break the news to mammy. Rachel wasn't feeling fantastic about the whole thing either, and had a few weepy moments before young Sam swooped in to save the day: Will he be so forgiving when the truth comes out? Jai was still bricking it of course, and we would be too: Charity Dingle wasn't born yesterday, and we're guessing it won't be long before she figures out who Rachel really slept with. Speaking of murder, it wouldn't be a decent one by soap standards if someone didn't run the risk of getting caught, wha? Cameron had a right panic this week when Declan and Steve did a John B Keane on his makeshift graveyard. Cue Bull McCabe style antics from the village psychopath, with more to come next week we're sure. Of course Chas (who seems to have miraculously recovered from that near-death experience with her darling niece) was more concerned that he was having an affair: That girl's definitely got her priorities in order.

EastEnders: Sharon hit rock bottom again this week, popping Tan's pain pills to keep her cravings at bay. Of course Tanya went and blamed poor little Lauren (who hasn't pulled lairy Lucy's hair out... yet) before confronting her best blonde. Sharon put her pill panic down to headaches, and Tan? Well she swallowed it whole. Then our Shazz went and mixed the pills with a bit of the strong stuff, passed out cold at Billy's birthday, and had a bit of a scrap with Lola when she figured out what was really going on. Business as usual with the Mitchell clan so. Meanwhile, Michael Moon found himself living in Kramer vs Kramer, as his battle for Scarlett took an unexpected twist. In fairness, we'd be bored dealing with Janine ourselves, but giving her the kid? That's a new one. Maybe he should just skip the country with sweet little Alice... And then there was all the palaver 'dahn the market', in other words, Bianca and Kat being Bianca and Kat, and Masood making goo-goo eyes at Carol...*gulp* Just when we thought we'd escaped...

Fair City: We're not quite sure what was happening in Carrigstown this week, but we'll say 50 Shades of Dillon pretty much summed it up. If we weren't being forced to listen to Caoimhe's unconvincing and God-awful wailing, we had Neasa snapping the head off her mammy for telling Zak about her dangerous liaison down the phone, and the whole town pulling a Ryan's Daughter on their beloved doctor. Sure you'd swear Tommy had never copped off with Mrs Fahy... Meanwhile, Ray was holding the fort in McCoys, serenading Vivienne with his best Tom Jones. Sure didn't they have a wonderful time at Ruth's birthday? Zumo and Decco made quite the pair of party clowns... Across the road, things were errr, heating up in Chez Fahy. We're still trying to wash our eyes and ears out after Dermot and Jo's little reunion: Who knew the Fahys were so kinky? Scarred for life doesn't even cover it. Speaking of pairings we didn't really need to envisage, let alone see, Charlotte's little liaison with Callum left a rather sour taste in more than just her mother's mouth. And then there was Tommy, and the err, blouse sniffing. Seriously, what's in the water at Montrose these days?