Coronation Street: Well, the proverbial hit the fan for more than one resident this week, what with financial woes rearing their ugly heads. First up was Stella. The landlady with a death wish (have you met her fella?) found out she couldn't afford to pay Owen, who promptly lost the head and pulled out a crowbar. Unfortunately, he didn't get to clobber Karl over the head with it, but we're pretty sure he's places himself on the ars..onist's list of future victims. It's a soap, they never stop at just the one! Speaking of murder, Owen's eldest daughter could be capable of it by the time Tina pops that sprog out. Sure isn't her fella like a dog in heat around the surrogate mammy-to-be, coming out with some choice one liners including "yeah, but you're not carrying our baby". Tact isn't exactly the war vet's strong point now is it? And then Sally decided to shake things up by telling Nick she knew all about his little liaison with his brother's wife. We're not quite sure what David's fit was all about to be honest: They had us there expecting him to wind up in a hospital bed... Oh well, we're sure he'll put his brother in one when the truth finally comes out. Sure it always does...

Emmerdale: Poor Cameron. The friendly neighbourhood psycho killer just can't catch a break these days. He almost had the whole Alex thing sorted when those labourers arrived at 'The Field' (we're calling it that, it's the only way to refer to a land war), but it just wasn't to be. And when Gennie started poking her nose in, telling her half sister to be wary of her fella, things just got worse. Sure look, we all know that threatening her and her babba is the only way forward... He wasn't the only one looking a bit shifty this week though: Yes Rhona, we're talking about you, love. We're not quite sure whether she's taking her inspiration from Shazza off EastEnders, but Rhona's getting fairly fond of those painkillers. Her fella was too busy being a vet again to even notice that his wife was looking a bit dodge, but young Vanessa wasn't long copping that all wasn't good in the hood. And finally, the Andy/Amy/Kerry love triangle rumbled on, what with Val finding out the truth about the little lip lock, Kerry accusing her daughter of being jealous, Amy copping off with a footballer (much to Andy's dismay), and Victoria gettin up in her brother's grill for not standing up for her friend. Oh, and David snogged Alicia after Priya told him where to shove it. Knight in shining armour, that one...

EastEnders: What? Janine's back and bitchy as ever? We hadn't noticed, in fact, she bores us to tears. Nevertheless, Walford's resident spoiled brat was swanning around the East End with baby Scarlett, while doting daddy Michael drank himself into a stupor in dismay. It wasn't long before he picked himself up though, hatching a plan to get his daughter back. It was promptly ruined by Peroxide though, when she suggested he'd been copping off with Kat Moon. The blonde pain in the backside was the source of much drama this week, what with driving the fishwife demented by trying to have a babba with her former fella, before dropping her in it with Janine. The Kat Moon of old would have pulled her hair extensions out... And then there was that cranky builder she had to grapple with. Maybe she should just go back to Essex? Meanwhile, Ian's business plans headed for the gutter, while lairy lanky Lucy looked on with the same sulky sour puss she's had on her since day 1. Someone give the girl one of those bacon butties, the weight of her next scheme might top her over the edge... And Poppy discovered that herself and Fat Boy weren't perfect when he put food in a tin back in the fridge. Doesn't he realise that's a deal breaker?

Fair City: If you thought you'd see all 50 Shades of Dillion, you thought wrong. We spent much of the week watching Tommy wander around Carrigstown in a drunken stupor, while his wife was still the neighbourhood's scarlet woman. Has everyone actually forgotten how many times he had affairs? Caoimhe coped by copping off with the spawn of Paul Brennan 4.0 in the back of a car while John Deegan (seriously, he's getting so much air time we can't believe it) and Ray looked on, while Neasa just took the opportunity to scowl at everyone and everything that passed. We'll take that over Caoimhe's pathetic wailing any day though in fairness... T'was up to good old Blackie Connors himself to put manners on his brother, giving him a whack before watching him fall down the stairs at the Station. Now tell us, was there any need to let him survive? Meanwhile Bob had to give Ama the old heave ho. Sure that wan should have had Damo knocking on her former employer's door for her papers weeks ago! And Carol and Yvonne's little battle continued, with dodgy legal man Mr Farrell landing himself smack bang in the middle of the warring women. Someone call E.L James, we're sure there's another 50 shades in there somewhere...