Well, it was bound to happen, what with him being essentially bumped due to those pesky "time constraints" a total of 1,205 times.
Damon's opening monologue, which features a bound and gagged Kimmel lolling helplessly in the background, went a little something like this:
"Welcome to tonight's episode of Jimmy Kimmel Sucks. I am your host, Matt Damon. Let me ask you this, as an audience is it weird to see a person with actual talent host this show?" He continued with: "Waiting for this moment for a long, long time. This is like when I lost my virginity except this is gonna last way longer than one second... Look at Jimmy over there, with a gag in his mouth. You've never been funnier, my friend. Jimmy Kimmel is to late-night talk show hosts what Magic Johnson is to... late-night talk show hosts."
Damon's line up included Andy Garcia as his sidekick, alongside Robin Williams, Sheryl Crow and - of course - Ben Affleck, clearly displaying some loyalty issues (see below video). Speaking of his star pulling power, Damon added: "This is unbelievable - it took Jimmy 10 years to accomplish what I just accomplished in 90 seconds."
Then he brought out Jimmy's ex, Miss Sarah Silverman, to speak of their relationship. She likened it to pounding hotdogs: "You know when you're in New York and you pass those hot dog vendors and you think, 'I'm not going to eat one, it's not for me,' and then the smell gets to you, and you pound two or three of them? And then later one, you're puking, 'Why did I put this inside of me?' And you think about the encasing and all the entrails that are probably in there? So I guess it's like that."
At the end of the show, Damon asked the still gagged Kimmel: "Is there anything you want to say before we wrap things up? Wait, I'm sorry, we're out of time."
Bazinga.
