Game of Thrones has finished up its penultimate season - yep - only six more episodes left after seven seasons of some of the best television we've ever seen. It's a pity that some scenes this year sounded more like they were written by a 14-year-old uber-fan but we will get past that and talk about the feature-length Game of Thrones finale which has set things up for one action-packed final season.
As we had thought, things kicked off in King's Landing for the Westeros Summit that was 70-something hours of TV in the making. With the exception of a few Starks who were busy plotting against Littlefinger in Winterfell, we pretty much had all of the central characters together in one place for the first time and there were reunions aplenty. Tyrion had a moment with his former bromance buddies Pod and Bronn, Theon saw his mad pirate uncle Euron again, The Hound came face to face with his
really, really big bro once more and while it was nice to see Brienne and Jaime in one place together again (filthy looks from Cersei aside) our favourite reunion had to be Brienne telling The Hound that little Arya made it home safe and sound and is quite the death-defying assassin these days - they grow up so fast, 'ey?
The big entrance went to Daenerys arriving fashionably late on her dragon in what made for an excellent power play against Cersei who informed her through gritted teeth that they had been waiting some time, getting a very insincere 'my apologies' from Dany in reply (yasss queen). Next up it was the wight's time to shine, who having been plucked from his fellow dead mates and kept in a box for God knows how long was expected to perform on demand when presented to Queen Cersei. After a little persuasion, he soon bounced out of his box to say hello but had only stretched his legs when he was brutally murdered in front of everyone. Honestly, those wights can't catch a break.
He did the intended job of terrifying Cersei however, and soon it looked like we may get the last thing we were expecting from this meeting - an amicable outcome - just so long as nobody does anything to rock the boat or... dammit Jon Snow!
His pesky loyalty rears its head again as he tells Cersei that he cannot make a promise to her as he's on a promise (eyyyyy) to the Queen of Dragons over there.... guaranteeing himself a spot on the looooovveeee boat later on.
Tyrion then volunteered-as-tribute to go talk Cersei round even though she has tried to kill him twice and blames him for every single thing that has ever gone wrong ever. 'Be grand', he thought.
Turns out, it was. For all her talk, Cersei doesn't actually have it in her to kill her own brother in cold blood - or to have Mountainstein do it, rather - perhaps there is a heart knocking around in there alongside that fake baby of hers. (Okay we don't know if the baby is fake but we are still struggling to believe it).
For all of its risks, it was great to see these two in a room together for what could well be the last time, even though the results of this chat turned out to be all a big fat lie because it's Cersei and she does what she WANTS.
We were then back in Winterfell where the Sansa v Arya feud appeared to be reaching new heights and it looked like Littlefinger had managed to convince Sansa that she needed to kill her little sis as he would watch in a corner twiddling his fingers together a la Mr Burns. Except no, thanks to the magical all-seeing all-knowing abilities of resident psychic Bran, Littlefinger schemed for his last day as his many crimes were laid out before him by Sansa. Basically, Littlefinger started this whole shindig off in the first place by placing the blame for Bran's assassination attempt on Tyrion Lannister back in season one. It was undoubtedly one of the most satisfying deaths on Game of Thrones and as much we might miss Littlefinger's meddling, like Olenna Tyrell, at this stage in the game, he had served his purpose.
Back to the gang who have returned from their adventures in King's Landing and are back plotting over their board game style map in Dragonstone where Jon has decided that it would probably be best if him and Daenerys sailed together toward the north, because you know, that would make the most sense, and you know, more of an impact and you know, they'll be on a boat so there's THE IMPLICATION.
Queue Lord Friendzone's downtrodden look as he realises, yet again, he will always be in the friend zone.
Before we get to the boat action however, there was the small matter of Theon getting his groove back to deal with, and after a pep talk from Jon, he went to duel for the respect of some fellow Iron Islands folk where he realised that his lack of balls was actually the source of all his power. He's now off to save his sister Yara which he will presumably die in doing so but sure he's had a good run.
Back in King's Landing, Cersei was back on form with her self-serving attitude and for the second time in this episode she turned down the opportunity to kill a brother after Jaime refused to support her in her decision not to support anyone. Jaime has now hit the road and escaped the show's most toxic relationship, who knows, maybe he can even catch up with Brienne for some more Kingsroad adventures together.
One of the final scenes went to Sam's arrival in Winterfell where Bran confirmed what we all found out an entire season ago - that Jon was not Ned's son, but Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark's - and thanks to the uncredited work of Gilly - we found out that he was never a bastard - our Jon Snow's name is, in fact, Aegon Targaryen and he is the true heir to the Iron Throne.
Oh wait, he's banging his auntie.
While fans have been rooting for a Jon and Daeny romance long before these two ever met, it's put us all in quite the dilly of a pickle as no matter what way you look at it, they're RELATED. While incest was previously actively encouraged amongst the Targaryens to keep the bloodline pure, it's very much frowned upon in the land of Westeros.
Season 1: EWWWWWW INCEST
Season 7: YEAYYYYYYYY INCEST#GameofThrones
— Salim Stark (@SalimAlSamar) August 28, 2017
Poor Jon will have a lot to get his head around once he makes it home to Winterfell, although he may not even have a home left after the Night King and his new pet tore down the wall and his army of the dead are now marching (well zombie hobbling) towards them all.
Here's hoping this ragtag bunch of misfits gets their act together quick smart to give us the battle we have been waiting for since that terrifying cold-open in season one, and if the Night King does end up killing everybody, at the very least those poor wights can finally put their feet up.