Widely regarded as one of the greatest television series of all time, Breaking Bad remains beloved by its fans and gave Bryan Cranston, who played protagonist Walter White, an enduring iconic status.

Cranston recently released his memoir, an audiobook called A Life in Parts, which he wrote and narrates.

In excerpts released via EW, Cranston reveals the inspiration behind the book and reflects on ‘the most harrowing scene [he] did for Breaking Bad.’

The scene was the season two death of Jesse Pinkman’s girlfriend, Jane, and Cranston takes listeners into the mind of his infamous teacher-turned-kingpin, breaking down how he becomes the character.

‘She stopped coughing. Maybe she’d fallen back asleep. Then suddenly, vomit flooded her mouth. She grasped at the sheets, she was choking.

‘I instinctively reached to turn her over but I stopped myself. Why should I save her? This little junkie Jane was threatening to blackmail me, expose my enterprise to the police, destroy everything I had worked for and wipe out the financial life preserver I was trying to leave my family, the only legacy I could leave them.

‘She gurgled, searching for a gasp of air, she gurgled. I felt a stab of guilt. God damnit, she’s just a girl, do something. But if I stepped in now, wasn’t I just delaying the inevitable? Don’t they all at some point end up dead?’

You can hear the audio in full below. It is truly haunting and takes you back to the intensity of the series as you get an incredible look into the psyche of Walter White and Cranston’s acting processes in Breaking Bad:

 

 

Via Entertainment Weekly