It looks like aul' Ray is out on his ass in Fair City. Angelina had enough of his sponging ways this week, and warned him that the flat is on the market. Earlier in the week, Mike accused fledging delinquent Mark of stealing stuff from the freezer - which was a bit harsh, but altogether understandable, given that he's probably the most action-packed teenager on the planet at the moment. Still, his insistence on trying to get stuck into Kylie finally paid off, when, after about ten tries, she finally let him throw the lips on her. That's a lesson to young men with excessive hormone growth out there; if she knocks you back, persistence is key to winning her heart. Or, if you're ginger, rent a porno and get used to listening for someone coming up the stairs for the vast majority of your teenage years.

On Emmerdale, Donna tried to rescue her mother (again) from a solid dose of porridge: she found Freddie, and gave hasty chase with Ross in tow. Needless to say, it ended as well as a small child playing with matches. Alone. In a field surrounded by hay. Elsewhere, Paul was officially binned by Jonny when he texted him saying their divorce is pending, and to basically go f**k himself. It's all very harsh on poor Paul, who only felt bad for resident closet case Gray - but then rejected his feelings by beating the crap out of him. Everyone was always knocking the crap out of Gray, anyway - although, it's not like he didn't deserve it.

In Eastenders, it was 'sweaty brow' time for Bradley, as Stacey announced that she may be inflicting the world with a severely unfortunate-looking child. Alas, Bradley and the squishy-faced one need not worry, as it turned out that she wasn't up the spout, but just had cramps from eating vast amounts of flies from leaving her gob open all the time. Elsewhere, Lucy was appalled when Ian invited over some "special" house guests (lock your bedroom door, love) and Bianca and her knife-wielding offspring wondered aloud about what exactly happened to poor Wellard. Pat may have eaten him - has anyone checked her droppings for full teeth?

On Corrie, Kevin suspected that new wrong-sort Tony was the one behind the robbery of his pickup truck. Which was true - but no one else appeared to think so, so it's Kevin that looks mental, while Tony strolls about the place looking like he's just received a spit shine with a happy ending. Elsewhere, Liz tried to give Steve advice on his messy relationship with Michelle, which wasn't really taken to too kindly by Steve. Let's be honest: if you're mother was Liz, you'd more than likely have problems taking in her pearls of relationship wisdom, too. She's had more fisherman than the Pacific Ocean.