Leo was horrified on Fair City this week, when he realised that Troy was a *whispers* homosexual. Instead of the over-extravagant hand gestures, he just kind of mumbled something about burning in Hell (just kidding), which was a welcome distraction from his usual shite. Hey, deal with it Leo - the kid didn't murder anyone, for Christ's sake. Although, in fairness I don't know him and his fictitious ways. Elsewhere, Brendan thought he was getting back together with Renee, being that her siblinglover had recently bought the farm. But despite his claims that he was just 'comforting' her, he later tried to slip the grieving adulterer the tongue - which didn't go down too well at all. Basically, Brendan is like a date rapist that just keeps forgetting the drugs, while his wife, quite frankly, needs shipping off to the loony bin, el pronto.

On Emmerdale, Donna finally admitted to someone that she had deep feelings for Ross. It's okay though, it's Ashley and he's a man of God - so he can't say nothin' to no one. But the real story this week was Carl's betrayal of Donald, who had a heart attack soon after his defection back to the Kings. Donald bought Carl out for £750,000, then had words with Anna, who told her Father she wanted to help him fight the Kings for turf and business. You go girl - ya feisty little ginge, ya. Meanwhile, Eli came up with a hopelessly romantic notion of Debbie being able to get Sarah back: he was going to propose to the greasy little shite. Why on Earth she'd subject herself to that every night, is beyond belief. O

On Eastenders, it was all still kicking off between Max and Jack, as they continued to vie for the affections of Tanya. Well, in fairness, Max kind of tried once or twice and then started hatching plans, purely for the crack, and viewers' pleasure only. Granted, she poisoned him and almost buried him alive (something that strangely seems almost forgotten); but he really needs to get over that and start turning some frowns upside down. Jack is quite the hard man though, and didn't at all like it when Max heavily insinuated that Tanya was a screamer a few weeks back.

Oop on Corrie, Mel found out about the poisoning and arrested Teresa for attempted murder - but not before some acting that involved an awful lot of heavy breathing and pensive looks. Later in the week, when Jerry stepped into the pub, the whole place fell silent, as everyone was talking about his (almost) untimely demise at the hands of Teresa. Elsewhere, John seemed to take the fact that he was back with Fiz for granted, as she began to get utterly pissed off with him as the week went on. It all got very interesting towards the end of the week as well, when Rosie was kidnapped. This was all very exciting - especially for those people out there with nothing exciting whatsoever going on in their lives.