It was a scary week on Fairly Shitty, as the much set upon Delores has her gaff broken into by the local wrong sorts, The Bishops. When Mark found out what they did, he tracked down that Denzo geezer and gave him a right proper pasting. But, this being a show that exudes a social conscience and therefore puts a mirror up to urban Irish society, Denzo and his gang of not-so-merry scumbags vow revenge. There's something inherently wrong about hearing a hoodrat wax lyrical without cursing. Did you hear that RTE apparently need to freeze salary rises in order to clear €66 million in overheads from its budget - have they tried just not feeding Ray? Or Gerry Ryan? Or feeding Ray Gerry Ryan? Now that's killing two birds with one stone. Elsewhere, Troy kept looking down his nose at jobs that Leo was organising for him. Why doesn't he just follow in Leo's footsteps and be an extremely annoying mime, who inexplicably speaks. In fairness, he'd kick arse at charades.

On Emmerdale Lily spent most of the week taking a bollocking from anyone with a larynx, as the factory workers all busted her nuts for spending their dough. But even though Enda did her best to sort out the financial end, it was bad news for Lily as she collapsed a couple of times and was told she had a cerebral aneurism and required surgery post haste. Rodney was the only one who seemed to give a crap, as even Lily herself didnt seem too arsed. Bet hey, at least it will get her out of the shitter with the factory crew; granted, maybe on a permanent basis, but still. Elsewhere, Anna and Matthew got up close and personal and Anna was obviously having conflicting feelings about what exactly she should do. Save face with her father, or suck face with Matthew.

On Eastenders, Jane's stand up act went down a storm in The Old Vic, as she opened up a can of freshly repressed worms on her childhood and on her mother in general. Everyone in the crowd thought this was hilarious, but deep down Jane was dying inside - but hey, at least she got a few laughs. It does give a few tidbits as to why she stayed with a bloke in a coma for so long, they ended up marrying Ian Beale. With self confidence that low, she was an easy target. Elsewhere, Whitney had to get the visuals in, when Bianca planned an "early night" with Tony for his birthday. Something tells he's gonna be getting a serious case of rug burn.

On Corrie, the shit finally hit the fan for poor, sociopathic John, as just as he was about to free Rosie, she walloped him in the canister and legged it. John then went a bit loco, and the police arrived just as it was all about to kick off crazy like, with John just missing a chainsaw and some rotten human skin to be considered a full blown nutjob. Fiz still had a hard time convincing the fuzz that she had nothing to do with the kidnapping, as she has all sorts of reasons to want to off Rosie in a messy manner. Hey, if grudges equaled death, then David's torso would be propped up at the entrance to the street somewhere. Elsewhere, Tony continued to manipulate Maria, making her feel guilty about questioning Liam's fidelity. But Rosie told her folks what was going on between Carla and Liam. Granted, she couldn't have told two MORE useless people if google earth did microphones.