It was a pretty uneventful week, even by the ground-scrapingly low standards previously set by Fair City. Keith and Una were essentially booted out of their flat after Tracey came around and told them to bounce. Keith, the nucleus of common sense, assumed that she was 'playing hard-ball', and offered her slightly more money to stay there. Alas, she just wanted his greasy arse gone - so he and Una had to step-to and find another place to live. Elsewhere, Dominic and Damien nearly knocked seven shades of shite out of each other, after Damien told him he wouldn't be needed for the job. This did not go down very well, and a "lunging" took place; but it didn't really kick off properly, so no one got a licking or anything (much to my disappointment). Sadly, crap like that is the only enjoyment I can squeeze from watching this muck.

On Emmerdale, the week was pretty much spent with Brenda and Terry trying to hook up with each other, but it never really happened - thanks to some comical accidents that were supposed to be slightly dramatic for the characters. Y'see, first Terry thought that she thought she was fat (and a crap cook), when she was already feeling paranoid about her weight, thanks to some offhand comments from Val. Yeah, I know, Val - the one who looks like she had reconstructive surgery on her face in a cheap Hungarian plastic surgeon's after a guardless fan fell on her (already not great) mush. Val decided that she was going to give Brenda a makeover - but not on account of her perpetually chirpy exterior, more because she wasn't tarty enough. And, as we all know, men will only go out with women who look like they shoot themselves in the face with a paint gun every morning.

Down Eastenders way, Phil and Suzy got home to see that they had been burgled, which wasn't exactly the welcome that they were expecting. The perpetrators obviously didn't realise that they were stealing from a Mitchell brother, now, did they!? Or maybe they're sadists, who just like being slapped around by overweight, bald men. Hey, it's all hearsay at this stage, people - much like the identity of the person who attempted to kill Max, which will apparently be drawn-out until after Christmas. Hey, that's something to look forward to, isn't it? Elsewhere, Sean legged it again and no one knew where he'd gone to, which was bad news for Roxy as she's carrying his offspring.

On Corrie, it was all going awry for Tony, as the girls at the factory all refused to work when they realised that they hadn't been paid. No amount of his wily Scottish charm could help either, as the ladies staged a revolt. Does this mean that the fair women of Weatherfield will be walking around commando? Well, we know the likes of Liz would be, anyway, but c'mon - thinking of Deirdre walking around with a draught tickling where God intended no one to see, is not a good thing at all. Hey, while we're at it, someone give her a paper bag to put over her head as well - no one wants to see that. Harsh, but fair, people. Elsewhere, Ken was disgusted with Peter in general, but even more so when he decided to abandon his son (who really seems like no trouble at all). Ken is far too old to be raising more children, and Deirdre will scare the child, for Christ's sake!