The January slump is a thing of morbid beauty. Frankly, everyone calls in sick, people are depressed, and folk are looking for that elusive uplifting feeling that just seems to be missing at this time of year. Well, what better way to battle that S.A.D. than with a trip to Ireland's very own ocular anti-depressant, Fair City? It's so bad that, quite frankly, it's good, people. Over the Yuletide season, some of you may recall two weddings and a funeral - which is almost a comedy, but not really. Anyhow, Ray was still laid up in bed (which is where he'd be anyway) and Mondo was worried sick about his aul' lad. C'mon Mondo - man the f**k up, and just put the lethargic bollocks out of his misery. Granted, he's about as much use in a coma as he was wobbling around - but surely that alone is reason enough to send him to the KFC in the clouds?

Emmerdale, on the other hand, is entertaining soap at its very best - and 2008 was no different to the last couple of years. We lost count of the amount of devious shenanigans that went on this year, while more than one character met a messy demise at the hands of someone else. Great craic altogether. This past week once again saw Jasmine soiling herself at the thought of starring in her own private episode of Bad Girls, while Debbie had to give her the odd smack in the boat race to get her to cop on. It's like 'I Know What You Did Last Summer', without the inexplicably hot cast. Elsewhere, Marlon was treating the cheating Donna like a particularly puss-ridden leper with extremely bad breath. Granted, she ended that treatment - duuurty filthbag.

Eastenders
was pretty much a non-event this week, except for the return of the dastardly Nick - who took time out from his busy candy-stealing-from-baby-schedule to return to Albert Square and offer Dot a chance to get to know her granddaughter (for a price). See, he started off all nice, like - even I was starting to think the leopard had finally changed its spots - then he went back to his bastardly ways, and it was all go from there. Elsewhere, Ronnie gave Danielle an interview for the bar job, but continued to treat her like mongrel shit she'd just stepped on. Quite probably the most needlessly elongated storyline in the history of this truly shite soap.

Down Corrie way, Steve still hadn't grown a pair sufficiently large enough to tell Becky that he hadn't told Michelle about their affair - or simply just to tell Michelle. When Becky found out about his deception, she resigned from the Rovers in a rage, then binned Steve. Well, at least you a much more attractive alternative to fall back on, mate. Granted, she's up the duffer in reality so that might not bode well for a future storyline featuring you and singledom. Elsewhere, Peter is juggling trying to bang Leanne, with self-loathing. He sees the effect that his constant boozing is having on his offspring, and basically sits around moaning but does nothing about it.