EastEnders: Jay can takes no more - so he necked a bottle of beer along with some of Cora's antihistamines (which, given its Cora, were probably laced with horse tranquilisers). Before long, he was merrily babbling away about growfs on his hoofs and Hevva's death in front of a bemused Abi. In other illicit conversations involving the same subject matter, Ben got it in his head that Shirley overheard him talking to Phil, so he delivered a nasty revelation - to Ian. Cue the usual levels of frantic lip licking. Kim decided to cheer up Ray with some Falkland themed bedroom antics but her plans took a turn when he brought along a guest. Speaking of daughters, the party for Alice at the Branning's was bottom wincing at best. Tanya - with the aid of Mr Pinot and Mr Grigio - filled Alice in on what a choice individual Derek is.

Coronation Street: Norris was still hell bent on being the biggest bloomer, and took action when Sally's abundance of shop bought petals threatened to blow his petunias out of the competition. So himself and Mary made some rather indiscrete attempts at buttering Audrey up, largely because she's been asked to judge. Let's also assume he wanted the use of her flower beds, and to hire Lewis to mumble sweet nothings into his anthers. The rest of the cobbles weren't seeing such japes. Nick was perturbed when he spoted Kylie in a lap-dancing club, so he got her fired and whisked her away to a hotel for some kip; Tommy got himself involved in stashing drugs for Rick; while Eileen was devastated when Paul packed his bags. Then again, she did ask him to.

Emmerdale: After a week of roaming around the moors, the Dingles were somehow stunned when Zak got sectioned - news Lisa attempted to hide from the villagers, 'cause she doesn't know much about mental health issues. Things were going too well between Sean and his mother's lesbian lover, so it was inevitable that one of their heart to heart ended with Sean putting the lunge in. Needless to say, Dan was on the warpath when Sean claimed Ruby came onto him, proving Dan to be a bigger muppet than previously suspected. Megan was thrown when Robbie rocked up to Home Farm (neither of them enjoyed their half hour catch up), and Charity avoided talking to Jai about kiddies. When he finally cornered her, she confirmed that she wasn't interested in having any more.

Fair City: Caoimhe taught Charlotte a lesson she'll never forget but it was kind of a step too far. Creating a non-existent date, and getting her to inform all her friends was one thing, but the bucket of water might have been a bit Carrie-esque. Turns out this was the final straw for Decco and the tracksuited Humpty Dumpty... The went and got a guy called Goo Eyes involved. Dermot's lack of interests outside of work and Ben started to depress him), while Wayne considered asking Lucy to move in, 'cause it's never too early for that.