Watch: Man suffers everyone's worst nightmare, finds Black Widow spider in his ear

Nightmares. Actual real, palpable, rational nightmares.

This man from Wenatchee, Washington suffered a series of events that will make you want to bung up every orifice and never go outside a sealed, clean room ever again.

Telling the tale in the description of this YouTube video, with some NSFW language but come on he had a Black Widow in his ear and not the Scarlett Johansson kind, he said:

I was using my phone camera as a way to see into my ear with the light provided... I did not care about recording. What I captured made me wish I was not seeing what I saw... ever!

I felt a tickle at first. Thought it was just in my head... then I realized that it was in my head! Yes... I did hear that fucker scratch my insides. I spent over 3 hours rinsing it out, 2 hours right away and one hour in the morning shower.

I swear I still hear it though...damn mind tricks you know? Could not find the spider after swatting my face and ear up, I did look at my legs and body but could not find it so I left the bathroom and turned my bedroom lights on. I was just waiting for what ever it was to get further away from my ear canal to make sure the fucker wouldnt go back in it. I swear, reliving it in my mind is more terrifying then when it actually happened.

We're holding out hope that this is another special effects hoax prank thing (it looks a bit small to us) and that this kid is just really good at After Effects, because otherwise we're just going to have to sit here silently screaming and panicking all day.