How you know you're at a lesser known TV Awards Show:
1 - Lorry Loads of Fake Tan. Main offenders include Brooke Vincent off Corrie (I'll wager that bag's full of Fake Bake) and, Lord of the prance, Michael Flatly. This will give you some indication of the calibre of guest in attendence.
2 - Bad Boob Jobs Being Openly Celebrated. Here's looking at you, Lizzie Cundy. I've no clue who she is (other than she's been in something WAG related), but what's left of her breasts need putting away for life.
3 - Ill-Fitting Clothes of Highly-Combustible Quality. This award goes to Rita Simmons off EastEnders. At least give the laundry advice label the snip. And if you thought this scenario couldn't get more classy... Good. Christ.
4 - The Presence of Panto/Reality Show Stars. Carrying holdalls? They must've been giving them out ast spot prizes on the night as Christopher Biggins seems particularly proud of his.
5 - High Levels of Inebriation Outside of Venue. Behold Denise Welch striking her best "I've shtill gosh ittt, arrrrrggssh... MMMWAAW" pose, while Steve McFadden absconds with a bottle of bubbly, using slightly pawed award as some form of diversionary tool.
6 - Actual Noteworthy Celebs Trying to Blend in By Dressing Down. Fail Miserably Due to Amount of Taffeta On Show/Regret Turning Up At All. Lily Allen, Billie Piper and... (say what you see) Ralph Fiennes. If you, like the subject in question, is wondering what in the name of great Scott Mr. Fiennes is doing there - he was attending the Harpers Bazaar Women of The Year Awards, which also took place at the Dorchester Hotel last night. So either he took a wrong turn, or nipped in for a wee party on the sly. Either way, this morning he's more than a bit miffed his photo is appearing under the TV Quick/TV Choice gallery on WENN...
Feel free to immerse yourself in the list of winners:
Best Daytime Show - Loose Women
Best Entertainment Show - Ant & Dec's Saturday Night Takeaway
Best Lifestyle Show - Top Gear
Best Family Drama - Waterloo Road
Best New Drama - Merlin
Best Drama Series - Ashes To Ashes
Best Comedy Show - The Inbetweeners
Best Reality Show - The Apprentice
Best Actor - Philip Glenister (Ashes to Ashes)
Best Actress - Denise Welch (Waterloo Road)
Best Talent Show - Britain's Got Talent
Best Gameshow - Deal Or No Deal
Best Soap Actor - Simon Gregson (Steve McDonald, Coronation Street)
Best Soap Actress - Katherine 'Look arrah me legs ' Kelly (Becky Granger, Coronation Street)
Best Soap Newcomer - Lauren Crace (Danielle Jones, EastEnders. Bit of a bittersweet award considering she was killed off yonks ago and not really been seen in anything else since)
Best Soap - EastEnders
Best Soap Storyline - Danielle and Ronnie's story, EastEnders
