It's been a while since I've put pen to paper on the subject of a red carpet so please forgive me if my sartorial slating is a little rusty.

With last night's Emmys came another batch of gunas, some questionable, others pleasing, and, of course, plenty of suits. No point dwelling on the men's outfits when all they wear is black, however we will award Bryan Cranston with the best dressed man gong given that he is Heisenberg and therefore worthy of our imaginary accolade (that and the fact that I find him attractive in a hot dad sort of way).

Moving on to worst dressed. Let's get all the negativity out of the way first, shall we? Channel our own gripes through the medium of bitching, and take it out on someone who really doesn't deserve it, but who won't find out anyway, which in turn makes it a-ok, right?

Julianne Hough. (She was in that shit movie Safe Haven with Josh Duhamel and is the ex of Ryan Seacrest). That dress would have been so much nicer if our eyes weren't instantly diverted to her nether regions. It takes a certain person to pull off a crotch-tastic gown and even poor Miley has trouble getting our thumbs up. Fail.

Vera Farmiga. Yes you recently starred as a demon-ridding exorcist in The Conjuring but no, you don't need to dress like one in real life.

Lena Dunham. Perhaps it's not so much you we should be punishing for this ghastly number but more so the person (or likely, the infant) who did your eye make-up. When's the last time someone matched their eyes to their dress? Meringue dresses were all the rage at the Emmys, it seems. Carrie Underwood also hails from 'the bigger the better' school of thought. She sees pretty purple gown, we see prom dress circa 2003.

Heidi Klum. Going for the wicked witch/evil Godmother/mermaid aesthetic? You look like you're having trouble breathing with that neck.

Anna Faris. We appreciate that you sought to match your dress to your hair, as perhaps an homage to fashion icon Lady Gaga, however we regret to inform you that you have been unsuccessful this time round.

Ahhh, we feel better about ourselves already, don't we?

Now to make up for all that bitchiness with some well-deserved praising.

Red was a major theme at The Emmys, with Kelly Osbourne, Sofia Vergara (minus the over-drawn eyebrows) and Morena Baccarin all going down the siren route. Safely played by all three.

Rose Byrne is another who always gets it right. Her delicate pink number is both of the moment, simple and perfectly suited to her petite physique. We particularly like the bit of skin in the middle. Sexy too. Girl crush, oh yes.

Straddling the line between 'do we like it or do we hate it', we've decided to be nice to Claire Danes, after all, who wants to give her another reason to cry? Have you SEEN Homeland? Seriously, Kleenex would make a fortune out of her character's emotional state. This is not an outfit we'd expect from Claire, and for originality and its vintage nature alone, we're giving her the two thumbs up.

Also rocking the ethereal, Midsummer Night's Dream-esque vibe is Kerry Washington. She has to be one of the most beautiful women in TV, as well as movies. Perhaps though we'd like to have seen her hair up on this ocassion, given that the dress is so much by itself.

Kate Mara. While the haircut and make up is a little severe, you deserve some props for looking about a decade ahead of your peers here in the style stakes.

Last but by no means least, and not just because we were watching Downton last night, we're bestowing Michelle Dockery (or Lady Mary, if you rather) with our Best Dressed Lady award. With this ensemble she is current, she's colour blocking, she's fresh, she's young, she looks comfortable and she f*cking rocks it. Well played, young woman, well played.

As for all the rest, you were too boring and predictable to comment on. Better luck next year.