With news reaching entertainment.ie that Dublin City Council cannot rename the Spire to the Nelson Mandela memorial, we thought we'd offer up a few suggestions for it...

5. THE STILLETO IN THE GHETTO

Look, we all call it this. Don't go being a class-warrior and denying it because we do. It's one of those wonderful rhyming-slang things Dublin enjoys. The Tart with the Cart. The Floozy in the Jacuzzi. And now we have the Stiletto in the Ghetto. It's been the unofficial title for it since it went up however many years ago. Let's make it official.

 

4. THE BONO / BERTIE AHERN

They're both from the Northside and they're both giant pricks.

 

3. THE MICHAEL FASSBENDER

We're not saying it's to scale, but it's a reasonably accurate representation of it. We are, of course, talking about the size of Michael Fassbender's acting talent. Of course. Acting. Talent. Ahem.

 

2. THE JIM CORR

You know how the Spire looks like some sort of antenna or something? It could also be used as some sort of communication device to communicate with aliens from beyond the galaxy. Or route out those Lizard-Aliens who are, in fact, ruling the entire planet. Or at least that's what Jim Corr says anyway.

 

1. THE HUBE-TUBE

We love Amy Huberman. She's also called Hubes to her close, personal friends which we like to consider ourselves as. The Spire looks like one big, tube. Ergo, vis a vis, call it the Hube-Tube. Amazing.