She has been living off "an allowance" which Simon Cowell has been kindly bestowing, and now - after almost a year of "public breakdowns" and what not - Susan Boyle has been handed an actual pay cheque... worth £4million.
The Sun reports she's putting the money towards a new house in her native Bathgate, which will undoubtedly boast inscreased security; she's bound to find more strange hooded types on her landing now they know she's officially loaded.
In between house shopping, Susan's also "planning to register a design with the Scottish Register of Tartans." According to a source speaking with The Daily Star: "We aim to repackage Susan completely (for the American market). It will be Susan herself driving the design team (MENTAL), so fans are guaranteed a personal touch (probably a montage of frolicking cats) that will transform souvenirs into something special. She (/the person who Simon appointed to throttle the life out of her original image) hopes to create merchandise that combines traditional quality with a hip, modern look. People already love her debut album - now they're going to love her chic tartan image."
Since when have "chic" and tartan gone together. Will all due respect, even Alexander McQueen barely pulled that off successfully (getting SJP to flounce about in it doesn't count; she'll sport a phantom wang in a misguided attempt to be relevant).
For those of you interested in the colours "Susan" will be asking her design team to use, we'll hand you over to Gordon Drummond, who owns a tartan shop in (where else but) the US, said: "In the case of the Boyle clan, there is a Boyle Personal pattern which is predominantly blue and green, although some Boyles prefer wearing Galloway Red. Either way, this might actually work in Susan's favour as her designers will be able to start from scratch and create a Susan Boyle tartan. It wouldn't be strictly historically accurate, but who cares? She'll turn herself into a brand that most performers would die for and no fan could possibly fail to recognise."
A tartan depicting frolicking cats singing into brooms while hiking up their Galloway Red gunas it is.
