Katy Perry's ex-husband and eternal lothario Russell Brand has admitted that he once became a postman to try and bed women. Cue a load of lads branding him a legend. Though it wasn't all fun and games y'see. As we all know Brand suffered from sex addiction, which, if you've seen Michael Fassbender in Shame, you'll know is no joke. That's not to say Russell hasn't turned it into a joke in the interim, giving the rest of us something to lol about.
38 year old Brand apparently took up this post for a three week stint because he considered it the perfect opportunity to try and chat up women when he delivered their letters. S'not a bad idea really, when you think of all the 'are you sure your real Dad isn't the postman?' jokes that get told each year. Y'know, when the baby comes out looking more like Ed Sheeran than his supposed father who's a ringer for Don Cheadle?
It was on The David Letterman show that he revealed his former job: 'I was a mail man for a little while - it didn't go well... In my mind there's a cultural illusion that this is an opportunity for early morning conjugal activity. I thought the housewives would open the door with a gesture to the nether regions. It turns out it's not a window for sex. They just want the letters basically... I thought as a mail man, sex would be everywhere for me. Simply not true. It was series of doors being closed in my face.'
In a twist of events, upon realising that the women weren't all that arsed, he took to stealing the letters as a means of entertainment.
'It was a zero per cent success rate so I just resorted to stealing letters. It was the only way to cheer myself up. The money's not very good so you're not incentivised to not steal the letters.'
These days, since divorcing from Katy Perry, he's trying to avoid being perpetually knee deep in God knows what with God knows who: 'I'm calming down a bit. I'm a bit less likely to just relentlessly hurl myself into a troth full of parts, you know, sex parts. Now I try and be a bit more discerning about what goes on.'
