No matter what way you look at it, ladies and gents, dildos are funny things. They always have been. They look funny, they have a funny function and saying the word is about the funniest thing we can pronounce as humans. Well, the dildo just got a bit more gas. Behold, the new 'Ultimate G Vibrator' from Ann Summers.
Be'tha'hokey! Would you look at the size of the thing. Jaysis tonight. It looks like something you'd water the flowers with (it'd water the flowers, alright, says he). But, in all seriousness, what would you be at letting that thing near you, ladies? Funnier still is the Huffington Post's take on its design, claiming it looks a bit like a toothbrush handle pondering its right hand.
The retailer behind the new contraption, Ann Summers, poses the question:
"Think you've had a G-spot orgasm before? Think again."
Before commenting:
"The must-have Ultimate G vibrator has been designed by medical experts to take you to the third level of orgasm. Giving you bigger, better G-spot pleasure!"
Designed by 'medical experts', they say. I should hope it is. It looks like you'd need a university degree to use the thing. But, Ann Summers are adamant that this is the real deal. And, to be fair, who's going to argue with them, they know what they're talking about.
"Made from luxuriously soft silicone and with multiple vibrations, the rechargeable Ultimate G has been designed to help women achieve the heavenly third level of orgasm.
There're THREE levels?
'The Ultimate G's unique shape has been designed by medical experts to fit your body's natural form and the main shaft with multiple pleasure bumps target your G-Spot directly, while the outer arms target the sensitive inner clitoris."
Sounds legit and it certainly looks it, apart from the fact that it looks like it's waving at one of its mates across the road. But, if you can get over that, it can be yours for £65 direct from Ann Summers herself.
And, plus, if anyone were to find it, for some untold circumstance (like your mam or dad, God forbid), they'd be none the wiser because it looks so obscure. They'd just be like, picking it up off the coffee table;
'I love this new sculpture. Is it Japanese?'
Lads, Valentines Day is just around the corner, I'd say there's about a year's worth of brownie points in this yoke. Go for it.
