Marking the Queen's Jubilee, Marks and Spencer have launched this extremely sexy range of new lingerie. "How will we celebrate our Queen?" "I've got it - suspenders and push up bras. She'll love it, the saucy minx."

Now I myself fail to find the correlation between the Queen's Diamond celebration and these under garments but whatever, who says there needs to be one? I wonder will Her Royal Highness be making a trip into M&S to pick up something special for Prince Philip? I wonder what style he fancies? Apologies for the influx of mental images, folks.

Whatever the Queen and Duke get up to behind clothes doors, let's hope they've moved on somewhat since the days of these bad boys. This is what Queen Victoria wore back when she ruled the land. They really make your imagination run wild, don't they? Believe it or not, these knick-knocks went for £3000 in an auction. I wonder who bought them? And where they keep them?

(Another mental image: If you just thought of some wealthy weirdo with some kind of royal obsession sniffing these in a damp, decrepit room, I do apologise.)

Forget about suspenders to keep up your stockings, for these yokes you'd need braces to keep them from falling down. Sexy, I know.

Thank God for Marks and Spencer. Check out those bums!

Caroline Foran