Where to begin. Best let the Mystery Michigan Man to chronicle "events" in his own words.
In short, he's suing Justin Bieber for pilfering his credit card to pay for cocaine for himself and "P-Ditty", while also obtaining a penis enlargement.
Here's what the suit says. Brace yourselves: "Bieber has cost me $426.78 and never paid me back. This money was used as abortion money because Justin Bieber got my daughter Selena pregnant in my bedroom, on my canadian bear rug... Usher Raymond came to my house on the forth of july 2012 and sodomized me with a firework and lit it inside my anal area while blaring kate perry [sic] firework song in my ear drums."
According to TMZ, the man also claims that Bieber "gave selena a std and Bieber stole my credit card to buy him and sean p-ditty [sic] combs cocaine to use in drug free school zones… Bieber also got a penis enlargement with my stolen american express card. "
To clarify, Michigan Man is suing Justin Bieber for the credit card theft, which can only mean he's kind of OK with being sodomised by Usher to the strains of Katy Perry's firework.
